As we continue to make the physical preparations for our trip I have been grappling with some spiritual and emotional preparations as well. Although I believe this treatment to be effective and know that it has helped many people, I have been guarding my own emotions. I don't want to get my hopes up too much and then have to deal with the crash if we don't see progress. But when I peel back those protective layers of my heart I am hoping for great progress, even a miracle in my little boy's life.
As I was studying the Bible this morning I was reading the story of Hannah in the first part of the book of 1 Samuel. Hannah was a barren woman living in a time when women who could not have children were considered failures. This was a great burden on her. In 1 Samuel 1:10 it says she was greatly distressed and cried out to the Lord and wept bitterly. Many of us have areas in our lives that feel barren - areas that we cry out to God about and weep over. I have felt much barrenness in the area of bringing healing to Seth and have often felt like a failure when our best efforts and fervent prayers have yielded little success.
As I continued to look at the life of Hannah I saw how her barrenness had brought great sorrow to her life. In the midst of a great sorrow like Hannah's it's easy for bitterness to take root. It's easy to ask "why me?" Why do I have to carry this burden? Lord, why does not seem you are listening to my cries? Why are others seeing blessing in this very area, but we see none? It's easy to get so wrapped up in the problem that you see very little else. Ultimately Hannah did what we all need to do with these great burdens. Hannah laid them at Lord's feet. She expressed her deepest longing and her pain and then she allowed the peace and joy of God to fill her. She embraced that peace and joy even before she received the answer to her prayers.
This is where I find myself today. Falling at the feet of the Lord - praying for a miracle, and then praying to receive peace and joy that can only come from the Lord - no matter what the outcome may be.
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