Wednesday, May 27, 2009

So Happy to Be Almost Done

We have 7 more days here in NC, 6 more days of treatments and I'm having flashbacks to emotions I felt at the end of my pregnancies. Many moms can probably remember those feelings - wanting to be done with this part of journey and ready to move onto the next part; feeling very uncomfortable (my current discomfort is more mental than physical), and wondering if life will ever feel "normal" again.

I am so ready to be done with the treatments - to get back home to my whole family and try to enjoy the rest of the summer. We still have yet to see any major or even minor improvements with Seth and I'm having a hard time keeping the hope alive at this point. My focus right now is more on just keeping my sanity for the remainder of our time here and getting home to my real life.

The first week of treatment Seth was very tired and consequently, calm after treatments each day. Week 2 his energy started to return and now in week 3 he's a wild man with a lot of energy and seemingly stuck on his vocal stimms (a sound that is what I would imagine a pterodactyl dinosaur making - a piercing shriek of a sound). This pattern of vocalization is particular hard to deal with in small living quarters when outside play is limited because of terrain and rain.

All the families seem to be experiencing similar stress and all are very eager to get this finished. The honeymoon, if there was one is definitely over. Last night while talking to Mike he was saying something about "if we ever do this again...." and I just winced at the thought. Many kids do benefit by repeat sessions, but I just can't go there right now.

My prayers over the last few days have been focused on perseverance. I am feeling worn down and lonely for my family and friends, although I am very thankful for the technologies that have helped me to stay connected while here - can't imagine the experience without that. I am so thankful for the many saints who are lifting me in prayer and know that God's answers to their prayers for strength and peace have carried me through this journey. I pray God will give you the perseverance to walk through whatever journey He has placed before you.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded
by such a great cloud of witnesses,

let us throw off everything that hinders
and the sin that so easily entangles,

and let us run with perseverance
the race marked out for us.

us fix our eyes on Jesus,
the author and
perfecter of our faith.."

Hebrews 12:1-2a

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