World Autism Awareness Day Post - "I'm not about to give up. I'm just not sure I can go on."

Today is the 6th annual World Autism Awareness Day and our 9th year with autism as a central part of our family.  Since Seth's diagnosis 9 years ago we have been on a eventful journey to help Seth grow and learn.  We have pursued numerous therapies including behavioral, educational, vitamin/mineral, detoxification, hyperbaric oxygen, equine, and music therapy to name only a few.  We have seen Seth grow not by leaps and bounds by in a slow and steady manner.  We have learned to rejoice in the small triumphs and yet are greatly concerned about Seth's future.

 

As Seth has grown bigger the autism rates have also grown.  When Seth was born:

• In 2001 1 in 250 children had autism. 
• In 2004 the number increased in 1 in 166.
• In 2007 - 1 in 150
• In 2009 - 1 in 110
• In 2012 - 1 in 88   
• In 2013 - 1 in 50

And 2001 was not the beginning of the increase. 

• In 1976 - 1 in 5000
• In 1985 - 1 in 2500
• In 1995 - 1 in 500

These numbers are startling.  Some are trying to explain this increase through better diagnosis, but with the release of the latest numbers last month the CDC said, "Even allowing for more frequent diagnoses, a true increase in the number of people with an ASD cannot be ruled out."  I believe there has been an astronomical increase in the number of children with autism; the number of families forever changed by this diagnosis.  It is time to truly consider the environmental factors that are causing this astronomical rise since genetic disorders cannot increase at this type of a rapid rate.

Additionally it is key that we support individuals with autism and their families.  Interventions that help to improve the symptoms of autism are expensive and in short supply.  Waiting lists are often long both for these services and for funding to help cover therapy costs that routinely cost families more than $20,000 per year.  We have been blessed to have state funding that helps to offset some of these costs along with generous support from family and friends to help with costs that are not covered.  But I know many families who do not have these resources and are desparate to get their children help.  My heart breaks as I talk with these families.

The toll that autism takes on a family is difficult to express.  We try to find the gifts in the everday victories and yet we watch Seth fall farther and farther behind his peers each year.  Attending church and his older siblings concerts and sporting events is very challenging for Seth which has meant making accomodations that have affected our whole family.  Our older kids accept that often they only have 1 parent at their events and yet I recognize the loss that is for them. 

On world autism awareness day, I don't believe that it's a coincidence that tonight at my book club we will be discussing "Dancing with Max" by Emily Colson.  A beautiful story of the joys and challenges of raising a child a with autism that I would highly recommend.  I will close this post with an excerpt from the book that beautifully articulates this journey.  These could be my words; these have been my thoughts.

      "It would be easier if I had a guarantee that everything would get better, if I knew the struggle might even end at some point.  It could end like trials do for other people, everyone gathering around celebrarting, throwing a party with hors d'oeuvres and cake.  Everyone noticing.  But that wouldn't be our story.  Tomorrow I would have to find the courage, the endurance, to breathe deeply and simply start again, even if no one noticed.
       Most of the time we're great.  I love Max desperately, as if my body were being turned inside out.  It's an unquenchable love that takes up most of my existence.  Max is not a burden; he is my great gift.  I'm not about to give up.  I'm just not sure I can keep going."
. 

Off to a Great Start!!

The school year is off to a great start! All four kids are settling into their classes and doing well. We are so thankful for all the answered prayers we have seen. God has confirmed our decision to bring the kids into Marshalltown for school over and over again. Bella has a wonderful group of teachers, three of whom we know are believers. She is finding her way around the middle school and is really enjoying choir and band. We figured out that her choir teacher took voice lessons from me when she was Bella's age, which makes me feel quite old.

Luke is settling in at Lenihan. He has 3 good friends from church in his am classroom which makes him feel much more comfortable in a new setting. Yesterday they fit him with a new fm system which amplifies his teachers directly into his CI so he doesn't miss any instruction, and we were excited to see his am teacher at church on Sunday.

Seth continues to be excited to go to school each morning. His teacher and para are both very caring and excited to see him each day. His classroom teacher is working with other specialists to outfit his classroom with sensory supports that will help him to cope with the stressors of school including a mini tramp, bean bags and a weighted blanket. He's showing off his strong math and writing skills and loves the huge white board that his teacher allows him to draw his various street maps on each day. He's had some rough afternoons when he really doesn't want to do more therapy after school, but he's adjusting.

All of these positives are answered prayer!! It's amazing to see everything fall into place so beautifully. But then I realize what a lack of faith that feeling is. We have consistently lifted this transition to the Lord, so why am I surprised when things go well? God is faithful to listen to our prayers and I constantly have to remind myself that He loves my kids way more than I do. I am trying to learning to praise the Lord in the most difficult of circumstances so I can certainly give Him praise when things go well. Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

"Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh the joys of those who trust in him!" Psalm 34:8

Big Changes Brewing

We are finishing up the last week of summer at the Pedersen house. It's been a fun summer with lots of family time and several fun trips. We spent a great weekend in Chicago and even did downtown as a family - something I could not have imagined a few years ago. Seth was a trooper even in 100 degree heat. We had a great time at our annual summer reunion with friends which was close to home this year. The kids are all growing up so quickly and have developed good friendships with one another over the years, even if they only see each other once a year. Finally we joined my parents, grandma, siblings and their families in Branson to celebrate my parents' 40th anniversary. We had a great time hanging out with family, enjoying the beautiful views from the deck overlooking Table Rock Lake, exploring Branson and spending time on my brother Jon's boat.

It has been a summer of transition with a new little person in our home. Our new placement arrived just as the summer began and we have settled into a new normal as a family of 6 for the time being. It is an interesting way to live with the possibility that family life can dramatically change on any given day, but we believe this is what God has called us to for this time and we are thankful to be able to bless children in need with love and a positive home environment (most of the time). There are certainly rough days when I feel completely ill-equipped to handle the challenges before me and I wonder why in the world God has asked us to do this, but we continue putting one foot in front of the other and make it through even those tough days.

The kids are getting excited for the start of school on Tuesday. While summer is fun I think we're all ready to get back in more of a regular routine. The regular routine is going to look quite different for our family this fall with major changes in school choices. Bella & Luke will be attending Marshalltown Public Schools after 7 years of open enrollment at GMG. We loved our time at GMG and they received a wonderful education in a nurtuing environment there, but we felt it was time to make a change. Seth will be starting public school for the first time and will attend the elementary school just 2 blocks from our home. We are very impressed with his teacher and hope the experience will help him grow and progress even further. We will have kids in 4 different school buildings in town - should be interesting!!

For the first time in 13 years I will have all the kids in school (I chuckle as I write this because we could get a call any day to take a preschooler or an infant). I've considered looking for a more full-time job but we've decided that my availability is still important for our kids. I will continue working part-time at the veteran's home and leading a weekly bible study and a bi-weekly mom's group. I plan to make time to work on my book, excerise more regularly and maybe I'll get a nap in here and there - that sounds really great. I'd love to reconnect with some old friends and help those in need in our church and community. I know one thing that will definitely be on my schedule - prayer for the kids as they enter new educational environments. Prayers that God will guide and direct them, use them as salt and light to their classmates, and that God will enable them to be all He has designed them to be. As I ponder all that I'd like to do with my time I'm certainly not concerned about not having enough to keep me busy, but then that never seems to be a problem in my life. Life will be different, but I'm excited for the changes ahead.

The Facts of Autism

Autism Awareness Month has been a whirlwind in our house with 2 short trips, many doctors appointments, and preparation for a much needed vacation. My goal at the beginning of the month was to post an autism fact on Facebook daily but life got crazy and it looks like I will end up posting 15. Below are the facts I posted this month and a little about how these facts impact our family personally.

Fact #1 - 1 in 100 children now have autism.
A friend with an adult son with autism shares that she knew no other families in her area who had a child with autism. I know about 15 families personally who live within 100 miles of us who have at least 1 child with autism (2 families with 2 boys on the spectrum)

Fact #2 - A new case of autism is diagnosed every 20 minutes in the U.S.
I meet families with newly diagnosed children about once a month.

Fact #3 - The autism prevalence rate is increasing by 10-17% per year.
This rising rate is simply scary and shows no signs of leveling off.

Fact #4 - More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, cancer, & diabetes combined.
I am in no way trying to marginalize the suffering and pain associated with these other illnesses, just trying to bring awareness to the magnitude of the issue of autism.

Fact #5 - Lifetime care for an individual with autism is estimated at $3.2 million.

The costs associated with caring for individuals with autism are overwhelming at times. There is a constant battle with insurance to get services covered. When insurance simply won't cover the needed treatments families are torn between doing what they feel their child needs and spending money they often don't have - leading to high levels of debt in the autism community.

Fact #6 - Costs of lifelong care for individuals with autism can be reduced by 2/3 with early diagnosis and treatment.

We have been fortunate to live in a state and an area of that state where intensive early educational intervention services have been covered for Seth under the Home and Community Based Waiver Program - many families dont' have this coverage. Each state has different waiver programs which cover varying therapies, but often have 5-10 year waiting lists.

Fact #7 - Autism is a bio-neurological developmental disability that generally appears before the age of 3.

Autism affects not only the brain, but the body as well. Seth's general health is poor which has impacted his brain development. Seth was treated with antibiotics 10 times in the first 12 months of his life for ear & respiratory infections. Right after his 1st birthday he was very ill for several months - all of these infections and antibiotics, along with other environmental insults contributed to his descent into autism betweeen 15 & 18 months of age.

Fact #8 - Autism impacts the normal development of the brain in the areas of social interaction, communication skills, & cognitive function.

Seth struggles to connect with others in a normal way socially. We constantly work on eye contact which has brought improvements in this area, but it is a continuing struggle for Seth. Seth's communication skills are severely impacted by his autism. At 9 he has no verbal language, but does use some sign language and a computer communication device to express himself. But even these communications are limited to expressing his basic desires for food or toys, and identifying objects in his enviroment that we have taught him one item at a time. Incidental learning of language that is so amazing to watch in typically developing children is completely absent in Seth's life - he has to be taught each item individually. Seth's cognitive functioning is quite impressive if you can get past the communication gap to truly understand what Seth does know. Seth is reading and writing and loves math. Seth has a photographic memory, especially of architectural and infastructure objects such as roadways. (Last weekend on our way home from Chicago we stopped at a tollway oasis - which he drew in detail a few miles after we left the oasis.)

Fact #9 - Autism is diagnosed 4 times more often in boys than in girls. 1 in 70 boys now have autism.

At a conference several years ago we heard a biochemist give a great explanation of this statistic. Testoterone has a synergistic toxicity - meaning that when testoterone is present with brain cells and neurotoxins are introduced brains cells die much faster. Whereas estrogen has a protective effect. When estorgen is present - it protects the brain cells from the neurotoxins.

Fact #10 - Many individuals with autism have sensory impairments which lead to difficulty in processing sensory information such as sights and sounds.

Seth's greatest struggles with sensory issues are around the issues of food textures, bright lights and large groups of people.

Fact #11 - Individuals with autism often suffer from numerous physical ailments which may include: allergies, seizures, digestive disorders, persistent viral infections, sensory integration & sleeping disorders.

Seth has struggled with most of these issues. At the age of 2 1/2 he was diagnosed with many food and inhalant allergies. Up to this point we have not dealt with seizures - but 25% of individuals with autism experience seizures for the first time during puberty so we are unfortunately not out of the woods yet. Seth has struggled with persistent viral issues, has sensory issues, and when he is not on his strict gluten free, casein free diet will not sleep through the night.

Fact #12 - Individuals with autism often exhibit dsyfunctional behaviors such as rocking, hand-flapping, toe-walking, and other repetitive behaviors.

Seth started rocking at around 18 months (our first clue that he had autism) and also engages in toe-walking, visual stimming (similar to hand-flapping), and inists on things being the same.

Fact #13 - The economic impact of autism is $60-$90 billion annually in the U.S. alone - these costs are expected to at least double in the next decade.

With the atronomical rising prevalence rate of autism that just does not seem to be slowing down at all, the longterm economic impact is staggering. Not only will many of these individuals require lifelong care, they will be unable to contribute to society financially, and often greatly impact their families ability to earn a living because their care is so consuming that one parent often has to be at home full-time long-term.

Fact #14 - 20 years ago most individuals with autism were institutionalized. Now there are more flexible living arrangements.

The progress we have made in welcoming people with disabilities into our culture has been wonderful. As the prevalence rate has increased and huge numbers of individuals age out of the education system there is going to a HUGE need for bigger and better flexible living programs to assist families in the care of their adult children with autism. These programs are lacking in many areas of the country and funding is in short supply. This will be a growing issue in the autism community in the coming decade.

Fact #15 - There are 24,000 new cases of autism diagnosed in the U.S. each year.

That number brings tears to my eyes as I think of the families that will be devasated and forever changed. The good news is that there is hope and help available through growing numbers of autism organizations founded by parents seeking a better future for those affected by autism. A family member, a neighbor, a church friend, a co-worker could be the one in your life that receives this life-altering news. Be aware, be educated and do your best to be supportive to those around you that are dealing with autism.

Other autism facts:

• 
  
  An estimated 1.5 million Americans live with an autism specturm disorder.




• 
  
  1% of the population of children in the U.S. ages 3 -17 have ASD.




• 
  
  Autism is not affected by race, region, or socio-economic status.




• 
  
  Autism does not affect life expectancy.




• 
  
  One characteristic which is quite common in autism is an insistence on sameness.




• 
  
  Some individuals with autism engage in self-injurious behaviors such as head-banging, hand-biting, and hitting.About 50% of individuals with autism have little or no verbal language.




• 
  
  About 10% of individuals with autism have savant skills.




• 
  
  Early intervention can greatly improve the symptoms of autism.




• 
  
  ABA is the leading edcuation treatment recommeded by the Surgeon General & American Academy of Pediatrics. ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) is a system of teaching desired skills in step-by-step systemactic way through the use of positive reinforcement.




• 
  
  Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood diseases.

As you can see from this information autism is a mammoth issue affecting more and more families. The impacts are not fully understood until you experience it firsthand in your own family. There is a great need for advocacy for the needs of individuals with autism which is often difficult for families to undertake when they are stretched to brink financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually caring for their child or children with autism. We have been blessed to have good services and wonderful support from friends and family and are now in a place to become more involved in advocacy here in Iowa. Mike & I recently were at the capitol for the Iowa Autism Awareness Day on the Hill and made some great connections with legislators and plan to continue the dialogue with our lawmakers about the needs of the autism community. We feel compelled to become involved in this way at this time for other families who are simply unable to speak for themselves. More champions are needed for these families! You don't have to have an affected child to get involved, just a passion to help those who do!

Costs Great, Blessings Greater

Autism Fact #5 - Lifetime care for an individuals with autism is estimated at $3.2 million.

The fact takes my breath away a bit. Considering the cost of caring for Seth over his lifetime is overwhelming. The cost of raising a typical child is estimated at $250,000, which is not an insignificant chunk of change in itself. For a child with autism these costs escalate to 13 times the costs of raising a typical kid. And these are just the monetary costs we are considering here. There are far greater costs to family life - the breakdown of marriages (80-90% of marriages between couples with a special needs child end in divorce), the emotional and physical strain on caregivers, and the toll caring for a child with a disability has on other siblings in the family.

But along with the costs there are also great blessings. There is the blessing of learning to truly focus on that which is important in this life. The blessing of rejoicing in the small victories each and every day. The blessing of seeing great compassion and love develop in your typical children as they come alongside and care for their affected sibling. The blessing of relishing in simple joys - finding all the "Cars" character vehicles when some were lost and then acting out the entire movie, the excitement of a completed lego creation, the utter joy in roadways and buses, and so much more.


Autism Fact #6 - Costs of lifelong care can be reduced by 2/3 with early diagnosis & treatment.

As we began the journey of autism we found incredible evidence that supported this second fact. Early diagnosis and treatment are key. Seth was diagnosed early and has received intensive early intervention. Even though Seth is still very affected by autism, these interventions have made a dramatic difference in his life. Before we started treatment Seth was completely disengaged from the world around him - he made little or no eye contact, could not sit and attend to any unpreferred task at all, had minimal to non-existant imitation skills, did not play appropriately with toys, and had no imaginative skills.

Through early and intensive intervention Seth has grown dramatically in all of these areas. Seth is now very engaged with those around him. He cares deeply for his family and is always excited to see Bella & Luke come home from school. He is aware when Mike is gone on business trips and is saddened by his absence. He asks specifically about his therapists - wanting to know if Mary or Aerika are coming to see him on a given day. Seth now makes eye contact very regularly - it is still difficult for him, but he knows the importance and value of this skill. Seth can now sit and attend to schoolwork and therapy for up to 30 minutes at a time - an unthinkable length of time when we started therapy. Seth's imitation skills are very strong now - he quickly learns new skills that are based in imitation. Seth plays for appropriately with toys - this is an area that many therapists remark is a strength for him that they do not see very often with other children with autism. Seth has growing imaginative skills - he pretends with kitchen toys, the dollhouse, cars, and his legos. Seth has made great gains through the interventions he has received.

Unfortunately Seth is still very affected with autism and will need continued intensive intervention for years to come. We are blessed to live in a state with waiver services that cover many of these therapies. After getting Seth on a waiver our out of pocket costs have been far lower than other families I know who do not have the same waiver services. My heart goes out to these families and I pray that soon there will be treatments available to all regardless of ability to pay. And yet there are many additional costs not covered by the waiver or insurance - including special and expensive gluten free, casein free foods; medical services with specialists not covered under insurance; therapy materials and products, and more.

We have been blessed by the generosity of God's people through the years. Friends and family have helped us to meet Seth's needs through generous financial gifts and we are soooo grateful for this help. We were recently blessed with a tremendous gift to help cover continuing costs for Seth. We are overwhelmed by God's provision in our lives and are thankful to have a need that gives us an opportunity to see God's hand at work in miraculous ways. We have grown in our faith as we have watched God provide and we have been so moved by the generosity of others. Yes the costs involved in raising a child with autism are great, but I'm beginning to believe that the blessings are even greater!!

Finding Hope in Autism

April is Autism Awareness Month and Today is World Autism Awareness Day. I am a bit astounded to realize this is the seventh year that we have a observed these events in honor of our precious boy who is gripped by this disorder. Just over seven years ago we visited the Mayo Clinic with Seth and received the diagnosis of autism. Instead of being a great shock at the time in many ways it was a relief. His slow development had been attributed to his hearing loss and vision issues by the professionals who were working with him, but my gut as a mom said there was more. As we faced the diagnosis the intensity of therapy recommended was very shocking as the developmental pediatrician recommended 30-40 hours of intensive intervention weekly.

For 3 or 4 years we hovered around 30 hours a week and continue to be near that number now with his schoolwork, ABA, speech, and occupational therapy each week. Seth has grown and learned at his pace - often a slow pace. As my children and husband will attest, I don't like to do anything at a slow pace and it drives me nearly crazy watching others do things more slowly than I think they should. But I have come to marvel in Seth's small and steady gains and am so thankful for the bigger progress these add up to. Over the past couple weeks several people have remarked to me about how far Seth has come in different areas - about major challenges that he has overcome. These are good remembrances, it's so easy to forgot the road behind. Sometimes I think it's necessary to forgot as not to dwell in the ugly and incredibly difficult days.

Those extremely difficult days are for the most part behind us. We have learned to order our days in such a way to provide Seth the stability he needs so as to be able to live, learn, and laugh. For this I am soooo thankful. Most days my boy is happy apart from a few rough spots, less favored activities that are just necessary parts of life. But he's learning to cope. We are excited to explore new avenues of healing through a great generosity we have received. An appointment made with guarded hope to pursue further healing for our boy in the month ahead. We praise God for the provision of these resources. Resources that allow us an opportunity to hope afresh, remembering though that our true hope is in our faithful Lord who has carried us through. The God of unfailing love who will walk with us whatever the future holds for Seth. This is our greatest hope!!

The words of a song by Natalie Grant so beautifully articulate this hope we possess!!

"Our Hope Endures"

You would think only so much can go wrong, calamity only strikes once

And you would think this one has suffered her share, life will be kinder from here.

But sometimes the sun stays hidden for years,

Sometimes the sky rains night after night,

When will it clear?

But our hope endures, the worst of conditions.

It's more than our optimism. Let the earth quake.

Our hope is unchanged.

How do we comprehend peace within pain, or joy at a good man's wake?

Walk a mile with a woman whose body is torn, with illness but she marches on.

But sometimes the sun stays hidden for years,

Sometimes the sky rains nights after night.

When will it clear?

But our hope endures, the worst of conditions.

It's more than our optimism. Let the earth quake.

Our hope is unchanged.

Emmanuel, God is with us. El Shaddai, all sufficient.

Emmanuel, God is with us. El Shaddai, all sufficient.

Emmanuel, God is with us. El Shaddai, all sufficient.

We never walk alone and this is our hope.

Our hope endures, the worst of conditions. It's more than our optimism.

Let the earth quake. Let the earth quake. Let the earth quake.

Our hope is unchanged!!!

Take a listen at http://youtu.be/aIh7Wl0rZvg

Have a blessed day - knowing there is great hope!!

God's Great Love

Over the past few weeks I have been reading many scriptures about and meditating on God's love for us. I so often lose sight of God's enduring, faithful, and unconditional love for us. I feel as though the mess of my life - the inner struggles with negativity and judgement, the many times I lose my cool with children, my lack of discipline in spending time with the Lord - I feel as though God can't really completely love a broken person like me. But those are lies of our enemy to my spirit.

"I have loved you deeply", says the Lord. Malachi 1:12

"For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:5b

"I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galations 2:20

"I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you expereience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:17-19

I am never going to fully comprehend God's love for me, but I want to understand it as much possible and be filled with the fullness of life and power as a result. It's so difficult to really understand this type of love living in a fallen world with sinful people, but I think God gives us glimpses. I think one glimpse of God's love for us is displayed in the way children love their parents. No matter how many times we mess up they are so quick to forgive and truly forget and just love us. I can yell at my kiddos and be very harsh with them, and then come to them and ask for forgiveness and they fully forgive, embrace me and extend true grace and love to me. What a gift to see such pure love expressed to me through my precious babes.

Today take some time to bask in God's great love for you. No matter how many times you've messed up, no matter what you've done He love you unconditionally and desires to know you personally. Amazing!!

Divine Graces

"Shew me wherefore thou contendest with me." Job 10:2

"Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develop thy graces.

There are some of they graces which would never be discovered if it were not for they trials. Dost thou not know that thy faith never looks so grand in summer weather as it does in winter? Love is too often like a glow-worm, showing but little light

except it be in the midst of surrounding darkness.

Hope itself is like a star - not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity,

and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.

Afflictions are often the black foils in which God doth set

the jewels of his children's graces, to make them shine the better...

Depend upon it, God often sends us trials that our graces may be discovered,

and that we may be certified of their existence.

Besides, it is not merely discovery, real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials.

God takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians.

Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which thou art passing?

Is not the Lord bringing out your graces, and making them grow?

Is not this the reason why he is contending with you?"

Charles Spurgeon

Trials in our lives are an expression of God's grace toward us, a means of developing grace in our own lives, an opportunity for God's light to shine through us in a greater way. As much as I want all of the previously mentioned characteristics to be true of me, I'm not sure I really want to experience trials in order to get there. The culture I am surrounded by says that suffering is bad and must be avoided at all costs. It says that life should be about being happy because we deserve it!?! Even the language from one of our country's founding documents gives us the idea that life is all about pursuing happiness. I would contend this is not a Biblical perspective at all. But frankly it sounds a lot more appealing than the call we find in scripture to die to self and daily take up our cross and follow Christ.


As I face challenges in my life I'm not looking for the grace of God toward me or developing grace in my own life. I whine and moan. I ask "why me?" I pray for God to change my circumstances (usually in this order - I could at least pray first even if this may not be the right direction in which to pray). But as I look at the challenges our family has faced over the past 10 years I do see these graces emerging in our life. I see the grace God has shown to carry us through and ask more of us than we ever imagined possible and then equip us to follow His leading. I see two amazing kids who have grown up in the midst of these challenges and as a result have a spiritual maturity that often blows me away. I am so proud of the people they are becoming and I don't believe they would be the same people without the trials in our life.


I still struggle with my daily responses to the challenges before me. I am so quick to complain and question instead of looking for God's hand at work. So I am pressing on to know my Lord more - to truly experience His heart, to know that I know that I know the abiding love He has for me. It amazes, and honestly sometime discourages me that even after 20 + years of walking with the Lord, I still have so much further to grow. The depths of God's Word and His character will take all of eternity to grasp - would we really want to serve a god that we could fully understand? What a truly awesome God we serve!

It has been a busy week at our house with a fun opportunity for Bella & Luke. Monday they auditioned, alongside 109 other children for a part in the production of Pinocchio with Missoula Children's Theater. About half of the children who auditioned got roles. Missoula is an organization that sends actor/director teams around the country to put on children's theater productions in just 1 week. 65,000 children act in a Missoula production each year - pretty amazing.

We were so excited when the kids both got parts. Bella was cast as Jiminy Cricket, Luke as a Pleasure Isle Kid. Rehearsals went from 4-8:30 pm Monday through Friday so there were many late night homework sessions and a little more urging than usual needed to get up in the mornings for school. Saturday the kids had to be at the theater at 11am for dress rehearsal before the two productions at 3 and 7 pm. We were so excited to have Mike's Mom & Dad join us for the weekend to see the show!

Luke as a Pleasure Isle Kid - his line - "Smoke a cigar - we can't do that!"

Jiminy, Jiminy

Bella, as Jiminy along with Pinocchio as Mr. Geppetto work on his creation.

Enjoying the cast party with Grandma & Grandpa!

Such a great time!!

The Constancy of Change

As we begin a new year I've been reminded of the old adage that the only constant that in our lives is change. Earlier this week I was struck by the amazing changes we've seen with technology in the past 20 years as I loaded 20 albums onto my cellphone in about 15 minutes - something that would have taken hours back in the days of tapes - the medium of my high school era. I was also thinking about how amazing it is that a device the size of a fat credit card can make calls, surf the web, text message, record video, take pictures, play games and music. Who would have thought that would be possible 20 years ago when the first cell phones came out? I've thought of the amazing changes in video game technology as our family has loved the gift of the wii we received from Nana & Papa for Christmas. It's a far cry from the old Atari 4200 I played on as a kid.

2010 was a year of big changes in our family. Going through foster care training and receiving our first placement was a change we would never have imagined just a couple years ago and yet we see God's hand in this change in our lives and feel we are in the center of His will for our lives at this time. Our precious daughter Bella has told us that she had been feeling like she wasn't doing much for God before we became a foster family, but now she feels she is serving the Lord through this ministry in our very home. What a tremendous insight from a 12 year old.

That brings me to change which will take place in our home this year. In March we will enter a new season of parenting as we celebrate Bella's birthday. You hear so many terrible stories about parenting teens, but I am excited about this new phase in our life. I am so proud of the people I see my kids becoming and am excited to enter this new season where my role in their life changes. I already see that role changing from one of what seemed like constant correction in the early years to a role of guiding and encouraging. As I led worship this morning a line from the song "Hosanna" choked me up a bit. In the second verse it says "I see a generation rising up to take their place with selfless faith, with selfless faith." I see that selfless faith in my kids at times and am inspired by their love for the Lord and their desire to selflessly serve.

We are in the midst of a big change in our household as our first placement gradually comes to an end. If all goes well our first placement will be over in the middle of February. My mom asked me yesterday how I was feeling about that. I asked her if it was bad to say I'm okay with it? Overall it has been a good first experience, but I welcome a quieter home and a less crazy schedule for a time. We will probably hold off on taking another placement until May, just to have a little break. But I think by then I'll be ready to dive in again. More change!!

Changes, changes, changes. Just when I think I've adjusted to life and feel like I have things under control a bit - things change. I'm learning to live in that place of constant change and trust the Lord to be the source of constancy I need when everything around me keeps changing.

Update from a Bad Blogger

It's been a busy few months in our house. Family life with 5 children is a perpetual circus act. Keeping all the balls in the air is a skill I have not yet mastered. There's always someone who needs something and fortunately usually several people who can help. Usually someone is fighting with someone else and I feel the need for a striped shirt and a whistle. I am thankful for a big house with numerous play areas to provide for much needed separation at times.

Here's a snapshot of fall at the Pedersens

• End of August - first placement - whirlwind adjustment to family of 7
• 4 family birthdays in 3 months - whew!!
• Luke plays his 3rd season of soccer and Grandma & Grandpa come for a visit and get to see a game
• Jenn gets away to Mom's Conference early Nov. for a bit of rejuvenating
• Whole fam travels to NE for Thanksgiving to visit extended family
• Stay home for Christmas, then take a trip to WI the week after for a little ski fun - complete with lodging in a little log cabin - so cute and cozy

As I enter the new year I resist the widespread trend of making resolutions and yet I find myself feeling the need for renewal and positive change. After purchasing a wii fit balance board I did my first workout in I don't know how long yesterday and today am really feeling it. I'm contemplating changing my eating patterns, but just not really sure what direction to go with that. Beyond the focus on addressing my physical health I am feeling the need for spiritual renewal. Motherhood reveals the depth of my character flaws on a daily basis. I am battling to not feel like a complete failure in life in general as I daily see my selfishness, impatience, and anger. But I must remind myself of the grace of God, for which I am so thankful.

On the autism front autism is in the news today. But really what is being reported is old news - over a year old. And what is being reported is less than truthful. Without getting into all of it I am feeling very disappointed and hopeless that truth will ever be exposed about the causes of autism. I am disheartened that my son struggles so greatly on a daily basis and that more and more children are diagnosed daily with this devastating disorder. As seems to be the trend the fall was tough for Seth and consequently for me. We are considering new treatment options after taking a break from the biomedical over the past year.

Well there's a bit of an update on life at the Pedersens. Perhaps I should make a resolution to be a better, more regular blogger, but we'll see !?!

End of Summer

It seems this summer has flown by faster than usual. We greatly enjoyed several summer trips and especially enjoyed having time to connect with family and friends. Bella & Luke start school in one short week and are very excited to see their friends and get back to their studies. They both are so relieved that our house has not sold and that they have another year at GMG.

After 10 months with our house on the market with very few showings and no offers we have decided to take the house off the market and take a break until next spring. Although we still feel we ultimately need to move to Ames for schooling for Seth we don't want to stress Bella & Luke out with another year of living in limbo and not knowing where they will be for the school year. This has not been an easy decision as it means another year of homeschooling Seth which is a great challenge for Jenn and Seth. Yet another good reason to turn to the Lord in prayer for strength. It seems He knows I need big challenges to stay completely dependent on Him. When things are going too smoothly I'm so prone to think I can handle things myself.

Over the past couple weeks I have been busy at work getting the kids bedrooms repainted so we could switch the boys' and Bella's rooms to make room for foster children. We received our foster license in the mail at the end of July and are excited to receive our first placement and now I can say that I'm truly ready logistically to welcome foster children into our home. Being ready emotionally is certainly another thing altogether - but this is one of those things I'm not sure you'll ever feel you're truly ready for. So we take the leap of faith and trust God to provide all we need.

Summer Fun!

Summer is in full swing at our house. It's hard to believe we're nearing the end of June. The kids last day of school was June 3rd, which was followed up a couple days later by Bella's dance recital weekend and sending Bella off to Bible camp for the first time. She had a great time even though she was concerned she would be homesick. Last week we had a calmer week at home and managed to get to the aquatic center for the first time. We've had a lot of rain here in Iowa so we hadn't had a clear day when our schedule was free. As always the kids had a blast on the slides and in the lazy river.

This week we have VBS, which Bella & Luke are lovin! Seth attended the first evening, but I've kept him home nights 2 & 3. We'll try to go one more night, but it's a lot of craziness for him especially after a full day of therapy. And we're tryin' to not get him too maxed out right before we leave for our trip to CO.

Saturday we take off to travel out to CO to attend Adam's Camp - a special needs camp in the Winter Park area. We had the wonderful opportunity to experience this camp last year through God's orchestration and we're looking forward to attending again. Seth will have 5 days of intensive therapy, Bella & Luke will attend their sibling day camp program and Mike & I will have time together in the mountains. It's a great program designed to refresh the whole family.

Along with attending camp we're excited to have a chance to visit family and friends along the way in Colorado and Nebraska. We'll spend several days in Nebraska on the way back and have a chance to visit with extended family. And Bella & Luke are excited to be able to stay on in Nebraska for "Nana Camp" the week after the 4th of July. Hope you are all enjoying your summer and if we're coming your way soon we're lookin' forward to seeing you!

Autism Awareness Month

April is autism awareness month. In years past I was very excited about this month and hopeful that the extra press and raised awareness would bring us closer to revealing the causes of this epidemic and turning the tide of autism. This year I feel less enthusiasm and less hope that the necessary changes will be made to curb this epidemic. I continue to do my part to educate those in my circle of life about the risks of vaccines, overuse of antibiotics, and other environmental toxic exposures that are causing the autism epidemic.

20 years ago 1 in 10,000 children were diagnosed with autism. Today 1 in 100 are diagnosed; 1 every 20 minutes. Every 20 minutes a family's life is forever changed; dreams for their child are forever altered, marriages are put in greater jeopardy with a divorce rate of 80% in the autism community, and family resources are strained while providing therapies and treatments. This is only a few of the stresses that autism places on a family. The cost is simply too high to sit back and allow this to continue.

Unfortunately the powers that be have decided that facing the truth will be too expensive for them which I believe is very shortsighted when you consider the enormous financial burden this ongoing epidemic will have on our country in the years and decades to come. This causes me great sadness; not only for my family and the daily struggles we face but for the many families new to this journey who need not have faced this struggle. Autism is preventable!

So how do we turn the tide of this epidemic? How can we prevent autism? There are a few basic things we as parents can do that will make a huge difference.
1) Educated yourself about vaccinations. We can determine the right vaccine schedule for our children - the schedule set out by the CDC is a guideline, not the law! You can choose to wait, stagger, or refuse vaccines all together. I believe it would be best to wait on the vast majority of vaccines until a child is 2 years old and their immune system is better developed. At that point take one vaccine at a time and never vaccinate when a child is sick or getting over an illness.
2) Green your cleaning products. Change over to non-toxic cleaning products and be aware of the many chemical products that you might be bringing into your home that do not have to be tested for health safety such as room freshening sprays and devices, febreeze type products, and wood polishes.
3) Control what your child eats. Go organic whenever you are able and to the best of your ability do not feed your family foods that are highly processed and contain preservatives and food dyes. These are chemicals that our bodies don't know how to process and can affect our children's brain development.
4) Limit antibiotic use. Only use antibiotics when absolutely necessary. Antibiotics deplete the balance of our GI systems which is our primary immune fighting system. Over 50% of ear infections in children are viral and therefore won't respond to antibiotics. Our bodies will fight even bacterial infections, so even in those cases antibiotics are not always necessary.

We can turn the tide!! Join me in praying throughout the month of April - check out this website to download a prayer guide for the month. http://childrenofdestiny.org/turning_the_tide

The Blessing of Bella

Upon celebrating Bella's 12th birthday I have been thinking back on her life. It's truly amazing that it's been 12 years since her birth. She was born on a snowy night(18 inches of snow fell while we were at the hospital). From the start she was a joy; a happy, content baby who slept 5 hours the first night in the hospital and in 5 weeks time was sleeping through the night. She was by far the easiest baby I had - happy to play, happy to go, happy to sleep - just very happy. Mike and I joke that God lulled us into a false sense of security, thinking that having another baby would be no problem.

As she grew her beautiful personality become evident. She was a giving, sharing, obedient toddler who adjusted quickly to a new baby brother at the young age of 20 months. Her papa thought she was a little too obedient to be born to one of his strong-willed children. She always wanted to be mama's little helper and continues to this day. She has always been an outgoing child and easily fits in with different groups of people.

We see in her an amazing heart for people. She often puts me to shame with her selfless acts in our family. She truly has a heart to put the needs of others before her own. She also has a heart to teach and help others. Since we began therapy with her brothers when they were very young she has watched, learned and joined in teaching her brothers. She also loves helping others students at school and has a special affinity for young children. We see a great potential in her to be an amazing teacher or therapist when she grows up.

In the past couple years we have begun to see the amazing heart she has for the Lord. She spends time each morning in quiet times with no daily prompting from her parents and often talks about God's Word and what she is learning about God. She repeatedly amazes us, and other adults in her life with the maturity of her insights. She is truly wise beyond her years. We praise the Lord for the way she desires to grow in her relationship with Him.

We are blessed beyond measure to have Bella in our family and praise the Lord for her!!

February Musings

It's hard to believe that it's already February in the year 2010. Time really does fly. Winter continues with a vengeance here in Iowa. Bella & Luke have had only 1 full week of school since Christmas due to snow/ice storm, and the coming week is not looking hopeful with another storm already in progress. But we have enjoyed most of the days together playing games, reading, and watching fun movies. And I've found that Seth loves doing his schoolwork for big sis Bella. So I've taken full advantage of that as he generally fights working through things with Mom. Bella thoroughly enjoys being the teacher so it's a win, win!!

Seth is starting to spend a couple hours on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the Christian school. We are hoping this will help him to adjust to a classroom setting and make the transition to school in Ames smoother. A friend from church who has experience as a special ed para is going in as his aid, which is a total blessing. We are still waiting for the house to sell and are grateful to hear from our realtor that the market is picking up a bit.

Unfortunately Seth's head banging has increased in frequency and intensity greatly in the past few weeks and we are feeling very frustrated in not being able to help him cope in better ways. It's heart wrenching to watch him potentially cause further damage to a brain that already is not functioning well and it's becoming more and more difficult to restrain him as he is getting bigger and is freakishly strong. After a bad incident at church this morning Mike and I were both very discouraged and honestly scared about how long we will be able to keep him in our home if this continues as he continues to get bigger and stronger. We would appreciate your continued prayers for Seth, especially about this issue. We are considering seeing a new doctor in Chicago with hopes that she could help us with this issues and some others, but waiting on God to provide the needed finances.

This is one of the ugly realities of autism, which prompt Mike and I both declare in moments of frustration that we hate autism. We love our boy dearly, so much that it's often painful. But we hate this disease that has a hold on him and keeps him from fully engaging with us and the world around us. We continue to pray for God's healing hand on our boy and are trying to not lose heart in petitioning the Lord. But there are periods when we both become very weary and feel very hopeless. These are the times in the past when God has used His people to carry us and pray us through the valleys. We so appreciate how God has demonstrated His love to us in this way.

A New Adventure

As we begin a new year we are prayerfully considering a new adventure in the Pedersen family. 2009 brought some challenges to our thinking, realizing that our life is pretty comfortable and incredibly blessed. Some close friends were amazed that we consider our lives comfortable, considering the challenges we have faced with our boys. But that is how we feel - considering the vast needs of people in our own country and around the world - our lives are pretty comfortable.

Mike's heart was touched through a couple classes he participated in and a friend's presentation on orphan Sunday in November. My heart and mind were opened to the needs of kids in our country through a great book I read last fall. We began to feel the tug of God's Spirit challenging us to make a difference in our part of the world in a way we are able.

As a result of God's promptings in our lives throughout 2009 Mike and I started talking about pursuing foster care in November. As we begin the new year we have officially started the process, which turns out to be a rather lengthy one. Our first step is a visit to the police station for fingerprinting (I hope that speeding tickets will not disqualify us). Next we fill out some paperwork and attend an informational meeting. After the background check is run we will start a 10 week, 30 hour class along with a home study to become foster parents.

Mike & I keep asking ourselves if we're really doing this. Some we've shared this with have pretty much said we are crazy, in not so many words. But it is what God has laid on our hearts and He is giving us complete peace and agreement with one another about this. We have talked with Bella & Luke about this possibility and they are very excited. We've told them that this will be hard at times - Bella's response was that it just means we'll have to love the child all the more - such a sweet girl she is!

We would welcome your prayers for us in this process. This is not something we would have imagined pursuing when we first married, or even a few years ago. But life is often quite different than we expect. Our desire to simply follow God's leading in our lives and this seems to be His leading for us at this time.

"Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all - he is the greatest."
Luke 9:48

Crazy Christmas Travels

We have arrived home safely after interesting travels to Nebraska in the midst of the Christmas storm of 2009. We were thankful that we had planned to travel to Nebraska a few days before Christmas as we had arranged a suprise birthday party for my mom's 60th birthday. Even in the midst of the beginning of a raging blizzard many of Mom's friends and neighbors joined our family in celebrating her birthday. It was a great evening. Then it was 2 1/2 days of a pretty crazy blizzard with some major winds (50-60 mph) and snow that kept my extended family snowed in at Nana and Papa's house. My kids had a great time playing with their cousins and the adults managed to enjoy the time together without letting the close quarters and many children drive us crazy.

After 3 days snowed in at my parents we finally made our way over to Mike's parents (15 miles away), with a bit of drift-busting on the 26th and enjoyed Mike's family get-together that evening. Unfortunately our time with Mike's parents was cut short due to illness, as Mike's mom ended up in the hospital with the flu. So we decided to head home a day early. The roads were fairly clear on the way back to Iowa with a few slow spots due to blowing snow which caused some slick spots which led seeing a number of drivers who had very recently gone in the ditch. We were thankful to make it home without joining those drivers in the ditch.

Now we are excited to enjoy the week at home with some game time with friends, a bowl gathering with fellow Nebraska fans and our annual family-friendly New Year's Eve party. It's good to celebrate life with family and friends!! Happy New Year to all!!

Christmas Craziness

The Christmas craziness is in full swing. Christmas parties, programs, letter, pictures, shopping, baking, decorating. On one hand it is exciting and fun, on another it makes me want to take a nap. I often wonder how we manage to get all the extra stuff done this time of year in addition to all the regular stuff that has to take place. But somehow it all gets accomplished. I'm blessed to have a very helpful hubby who loves decorating for Christmas. He routinely gets the tree up for me and helps the kids and I decorate it, along with putting up the outside decorations and hauling the boxes of other Christmas stuff up from the basement. Last weekend he was the one excited to get the process going. I'm so thankful for his holiday spirit.

I'm a bit behind on my Christmas cookie baking. I usually start in the beginning of November and begin stashing cookies in the freezer. I just got started baking cookies over the Thanksgiving weekend. I'm now trying to make up for lost time and get all the cookies baked for the Christmas tins for our friends and neighbors.

It is a joy to take time to get together with others and celebrate the season. Tomorrow night we'll enjoy the kids Christmas concert at school - and yes, their school still calls it a Christmas concert!! Friday night we'll enjoy our annual ministry leader Christmas party - a joyful time to enjoy a delicious meal and wonderful fellowship together with other brothers and sisters in Christ who we serve alongside throughout the year. Next week I look forward to a Christmas coffee with my Bible study girls and the annual holiday party with Mike's work - which is a fun night of good food and celebrating the wins of the company. And we hope to have our small group members for our annual Christmas dinner - the one of the few times a year we use our wedding china.

And once all that takes place, it will be time to pack the van and head to Nebraska to spend a few days with our extended family. The kids are excited to see all their cousins and we all look forward to the fellowship and all the amazing food!! I hope your December will be a month of joyful celebration with family and friends and that you will take time to remember the true reason for the season.

Our Precious Boy Turns 8

It's hard to believe that my baby turned 8 years old today. It has been 8 very eventful years in the life of our family since we welcomed child number 3. When Seth joined our family in October of 2001 Luke was a month shy of 2 years old and Bella was almost 7 months shy of 4 years old. It was a very overwhelming time for me as a mom to 3 young kiddos. The next 3 or 4 years were short on sleep and long on stress, but as the kids have grown and matured things have calmed down a bit in our lives. Now the kids are fairly independent and can be very helpful, even Seth enjoys helping unload the dishwasher and helping mom carry in the groceries after a trip to the grocery store.

Seth's autism diagnosis was a huge turning point in the life of our family. I can tell you when most events in my life occurred in relation to that fateful day 5 1/2 years ago. I often think of events as either pre or post autism. Having a child with a severe disability changes your entire perspective on parenting and life. But not in all bad ways. Autism has taught me to put things in perspective and has made me realize what is truly important. I don't get bent out of shape if my kids don't get straight A's or if they are not the star athlete on their team. Autism in my life has helped me to value the little things. My dreams for my children are markedly different than they were pre-autism.

There were days when I didn't think we would make it through, when I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up from the nightmare I was living through. But by the grace of God we are walking through this challenge in the life of our family. Bella & Luke have grown into caring, compassionate kids that look out for their little brother in a beautiful way. And Seth is growing and maturing in his own right. He is more engaged with those around him, his reading and math skills are growing quickly, and he is doing much better with going out in the community - I no longer have to keep a tight hold on his hand at all times, he will stay close to me for the most part.

On Saturday we are excited to have Seth's first big birthday party. In previous years we didn't feel he would enjoy a large celebration, but this year we felt his was ready for a grand celebration. The party will have a lego theme - Seth's favorite thing in the world - complete with the Star Wars Lego video game on a big screen and a lego cake. We are excited to celebrate with family and friends. I'm excited to celebrate the life of a little boy who has shown me my own capacity for great love and great perseverance, love in a way I didn't know I could love and the ability to persevere that I didn't know I possessed. Love and perseverance that could only come through the extravagant grace of God.