Mama on a Mission for Truth

Off to a Great Start!!

2011-09-03T09:50:00.006-05:00

The school year is off to a great start! All four kids are settling into their classes and doing well. We are so thankful for all the answered prayers we have seen. God has confirmed our decision to bring the kids into Marshalltown for school over and over again. Bella has a wonderful group of teachers, three of whom we know are believers. She is finding her way around the middle school and is really enjoying choir and band. We figured out that her choir teacher took voice lessons from me when she was Bella's age, which makes me feel quite old.

Luke is settling in at Lenihan. He has 3 good friends from church in his am classroom which makes him feel much more comfortable in a new setting. Yesterday they fit him with a new fm system which amplifies his teachers directly into his CI so he doesn't miss any instruction, and we were excited to see his am teacher at church on Sunday.

Seth continues to be excited to go to school each morning. His teacher and para are both very caring and excited to see him each day. His classroom teacher is working with other specialists to outfit his classroom with sensory supports that will help him to cope with the stressors of school including a mini tramp, bean bags and a weighted blanket. He's showing off his strong math and writing skills and loves the huge white board that his teacher allows him to draw his various street maps on each day. He's had some rough afternoons when he really doesn't want to do more therapy after school, but he's adjusting.

All of these positives are answered prayer!! It's amazing to see everything fall into place so beautifully. But then I realize what a lack of faith that feeling is. We have consistently lifted this transition to the Lord, so why am I surprised when things go well? God is faithful to listen to our prayers and I constantly have to remind myself that He loves my kids way more than I do. I am trying to learning to praise the Lord in the most difficult of circumstances so I can certainly give Him praise when things go well. Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

"Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh the joys of those who trust in him!" Psalm 34:8

Big Changes Brewing

2011-08-18T13:08:00.014-05:00

We are finishing up the last week of summer at the Pedersen house. It's been a fun summer with lots of family time and several fun trips. We spent a great weekend in Chicago and even did downtown as a family - something I could not have imagined a few years ago. Seth was a trooper even in 100 degree heat. We had a great time at our annual summer reunion with friends which was close to home this year. The kids are all growing up so quickly and have developed good friendships with one another over the years, even if they only see each other once a year. Finally we joined my parents, grandma, siblings and their families in Branson to celebrate my parents' 40th anniversary. We had a great time hanging out with family, enjoying the beautiful views from the deck overlooking Table Rock Lake, exploring Branson and spending time on my brother Jon's boat.

It has been a summer of transition with a new little person in our home. Our new placement arrived just as the summer began and we have settled into a new normal as a family of 6 for the time being. It is an interesting way to live with the possibility that family life can dramatically change on any given day, but we believe this is what God has called us to for this time and we are thankful to be able to bless children in need with love and a positive home environment (most of the time). There are certainly rough days when I feel completely ill-equipped to handle the challenges before me and I wonder why in the world God has asked us to do this, but we continue putting one foot in front of the other and make it through even those tough days.

The kids are getting excited for the start of school on Tuesday. While summer is fun I think we're all ready to get back in more of a regular routine. The regular routine is going to look quite different for our family this fall with major changes in school choices. Bella & Luke will be attending Marshalltown Public Schools after 7 years of open enrollment at GMG. We loved our time at GMG and they received a wonderful education in a nurtuing environment there, but we felt it was time to make a change. Seth will be starting public school for the first time and will attend the elementary school just 2 blocks from our home. We are very impressed with his teacher and hope the experience will help him grow and progress even further. We will have kids in 4 different school buildings in town - should be interesting!!

For the first time in 13 years I will have all the kids in school (I chuckle as I write this because we could get a call any day to take a preschooler or an infant). I've considered looking for a more full-time job but we've decided that my availability is still important for our kids. I will continue working part-time at the veteran's home and leading a weekly bible study and a bi-weekly mom's group. I plan to make time to work on my book, excerise more regularly and maybe I'll get a nap in here and there - that sounds really great. I'd love to reconnect with some old friends and help those in need in our church and community. I know one thing that will definitely be on my schedule - prayer for the kids as they enter new educational environments. Prayers that God will guide and direct them, use them as salt and light to their classmates, and that God will enable them to be all He has designed them to be. As I ponder all that I'd like to do with my time I'm certainly not concerned about not having enough to keep me busy, but then that never seems to be a problem in my life. Life will be different, but I'm excited for the changes ahead.

The Facts of Autism

2011-04-28T08:15:00.007-05:00

Autism Awareness Month has been a whirlwind in our house with 2 short trips, many doctors appointments, and preparation for a much needed vacation. My goal at the beginning of the month was to post an autism fact on Facebook daily but life got crazy and it looks like I will end up posting 15. Below are the facts I posted this month and a little about how these facts impact our family personally.

Fact #1 - 1 in 100 children now have autism.
A friend with an adult son with autism shares that she knew no other families in her area who had a child with autism. I know about 15 families personally who live within 100 miles of us who have at least 1 child with autism (2 families with 2 boys on the spectrum)

Fact #2 - A new case of autism is diagnosed every 20 minutes in the U.S.
I meet families with newly diagnosed children about once a month.

Fact #3 - The autism prevalence rate is increasing by 10-17% per year.
This rising rate is simply scary and shows no signs of leveling off.

Fact #4 - More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, cancer, & diabetes combined.
I am in no way trying to marginalize the suffering and pain associated with these other illnesses, just trying to bring awareness to the magnitude of the issue of autism.

Fact #5 - Lifetime care for an individual with autism is estimated at $3.2 million.

The costs associated with caring for individuals with autism are overwhelming at times. There is a constant battle with insurance to get services covered. When insurance simply won't cover the needed treatments families are torn between doing what they feel their child needs and spending money they often don't have - leading to high levels of debt in the autism community.

Fact #6 - Costs of lifelong care for individuals with autism can be reduced by 2/3 with early diagnosis and treatment.

We have been fortunate to live in a state and an area of that state where intensive early educational intervention services have been covered for Seth under the Home and Community Based Waiver Program - many families dont' have this coverage. Each state has different waiver programs which cover varying therapies, but often have 5-10 year waiting lists.

Fact #7 - Autism is a bio-neurological developmental disability that generally appears before the age of 3.

Autism affects not only the brain, but the body as well. Seth's general health is poor which has impacted his brain development. Seth was treated with antibiotics 10 times in the first 12 months of his life for ear & respiratory infections. Right after his 1st birthday he was very ill for several months - all of these infections and antibiotics, along with other environmental insults contributed to his descent into autism betweeen 15 & 18 months of age.

Fact #8 - Autism impacts the normal development of the brain in the areas of social interaction, communication skills, & cognitive function.

Seth struggles to connect with others in a normal way socially. We constantly work on eye contact which has brought improvements in this area, but it is a continuing struggle for Seth. Seth's communication skills are severely impacted by his autism. At 9 he has no verbal language, but does use some sign language and a computer communication device to express himself. But even these communications are limited to expressing his basic desires for food or toys, and identifying objects in his enviroment that we have taught him one item at a time. Incidental learning of language that is so amazing to watch in typically developing children is completely absent in Seth's life - he has to be taught each item individually. Seth's cognitive functioning is quite impressive if you can get past the communication gap to truly understand what Seth does know. Seth is reading and writing and loves math. Seth has a photographic memory, especially of architectural and infastructure objects such as roadways. (Last weekend on our way home from Chicago we stopped at a tollway oasis - which he drew in detail a few miles after we left the oasis.)

Fact #9 - Autism is diagnosed 4 times more often in boys than in girls. 1 in 70 boys now have autism.

At a conference several years ago we heard a biochemist give a great explanation of this statistic. Testoterone has a synergistic toxicity - meaning that when testoterone is present with brain cells and neurotoxins are introduced brains cells die much faster. Whereas estrogen has a protective effect. When estorgen is present - it protects the brain cells from the neurotoxins.

Fact #10 - Many individuals with autism have sensory impairments which lead to difficulty in processing sensory information such as sights and sounds.

Seth's greatest struggles with sensory issues are around the issues of food textures, bright lights and large groups of people.

Fact #11 - Individuals with autism often suffer from numerous physical ailments which may include: allergies, seizures, digestive disorders, persistent viral infections, sensory integration & sleeping disorders.

Seth has struggled with most of these issues. At the age of 2 1/2 he was diagnosed with many food and inhalant allergies. Up to this point we have not dealt with seizures - but 25% of individuals with autism experience seizures for the first time during puberty so we are unfortunately not out of the woods yet. Seth has struggled with persistent viral issues, has sensory issues, and when he is not on his strict gluten free, casein free diet will not sleep through the night.

Fact #12 - Individuals with autism often exhibit dsyfunctional behaviors such as rocking, hand-flapping, toe-walking, and other repetitive behaviors.

Seth started rocking at around 18 months (our first clue that he had autism) and also engages in toe-walking, visual stimming (similar to hand-flapping), and inists on things being the same.

Fact #13 - The economic impact of autism is $60-$90 billion annually in the U.S. alone - these costs are expected to at least double in the next decade.

With the atronomical rising prevalence rate of autism that just does not seem to be slowing down at all, the longterm economic impact is staggering. Not only will many of these individuals require lifelong care, they will be unable to contribute to society financially, and often greatly impact their families ability to earn a living because their care is so consuming that one parent often has to be at home full-time long-term.

Fact #14 - 20 years ago most individuals with autism were institutionalized. Now there are more flexible living arrangements.

The progress we have made in welcoming people with disabilities into our culture has been wonderful. As the prevalence rate has increased and huge numbers of individuals age out of the education system there is going to a HUGE need for bigger and better flexible living programs to assist families in the care of their adult children with autism. These programs are lacking in many areas of the country and funding is in short supply. This will be a growing issue in the autism community in the coming decade.

Fact #15 - There are 24,000 new cases of autism diagnosed in the U.S. each year.

That number brings tears to my eyes as I think of the families that will be devasated and forever changed. The good news is that there is hope and help available through growing numbers of autism organizations founded by parents seeking a better future for those affected by autism. A family member, a neighbor, a church friend, a co-worker could be the one in your life that receives this life-altering news. Be aware, be educated and do your best to be supportive to those around you that are dealing with autism.

Other autism facts:

An estimated 1.5 million Americans live with an autism specturm disorder.

1% of the population of children in the U.S. ages 3 -17 have ASD.

Autism is not affected by race, region, or socio-economic status.

Autism does not affect life expectancy.

One characteristic which is quite common in autism is an insistence on sameness.

Some individuals with autism engage in self-injurious behaviors such as head-banging, hand-biting, and hitting.About 50% of individuals with autism have little or no verbal language.

About 10% of individuals with autism have savant skills.

Early intervention can greatly improve the symptoms of autism.

ABA is the leading edcuation treatment recommeded by the Surgeon General & American Academy of Pediatrics. ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) is a system of teaching desired skills in step-by-step systemactic way through the use of positive reinforcement.

Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood diseases.

As you can see from this information autism is a mammoth issue affecting more and more families. The impacts are not fully understood until you experience it firsthand in your own family. There is a great need for advocacy for the needs of individuals with autism which is often difficult for families to undertake when they are stretched to brink financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually caring for their child or children with autism. We have been blessed to have good services and wonderful support from friends and family and are now in a place to become more involved in advocacy here in Iowa. Mike & I recently were at the capitol for the Iowa Autism Awareness Day on the Hill and made some great connections with legislators and plan to continue the dialogue with our lawmakers about the needs of the autism community. We feel compelled to become involved in this way at this time for other families who are simply unable to speak for themselves. More champions are needed for these families! You don't have to have an affected child to get involved, just a passion to help those who do!

Costs Great, Blessings Greater

2011-04-07T05:32:00.002-05:00

Autism Fact #5 - Lifetime care for an individuals with autism is estimated at $3.2 million.

The fact takes my breath away a bit. Considering the cost of caring for Seth over his lifetime is overwhelming. The cost of raising a typical child is estimated at $250,000, which is not an insignificant chunk of change in itself. For a child with autism these costs escalate to 13 times the costs of raising a typical kid. And these are just the monetary costs we are considering here. There are far greater costs to family life - the breakdown of marriages (80-90% of marriages between couples with a special needs child end in divorce), the emotional and physical strain on caregivers, and the toll caring for a child with a disability has on other siblings in the family.

But along with the costs there are also great blessings. There is the blessing of learning to truly focus on that which is important in this life. The blessing of rejoicing in the small victories each and every day. The blessing of seeing great compassion and love develop in your typical children as they come alongside and care for their affected sibling. The blessing of relishing in simple joys - finding all the "Cars" character vehicles when some were lost and then acting out the entire movie, the excitement of a completed lego creation, the utter joy in roadways and buses, and so much more.

Autism Fact #6 - Costs of lifelong care can be reduced by 2/3 with early diagnosis & treatment.

As we began the journey of autism we found incredible evidence that supported this second fact. Early diagnosis and treatment are key. Seth was diagnosed early and has received intensive early intervention. Even though Seth is still very affected by autism, these interventions have made a dramatic difference in his life. Before we started treatment Seth was completely disengaged from the world around him - he made little or no eye contact, could not sit and attend to any unpreferred task at all, had minimal to non-existant imitation skills, did not play appropriately with toys, and had no imaginative skills.

Through early and intensive intervention Seth has grown dramatically in all of these areas. Seth is now very engaged with those around him. He cares deeply for his family and is always excited to see Bella & Luke come home from school. He is aware when Mike is gone on business trips and is saddened by his absence. He asks specifically about his therapists - wanting to know if Mary or Aerika are coming to see him on a given day. Seth now makes eye contact very regularly - it is still difficult for him, but he knows the importance and value of this skill. Seth can now sit and attend to schoolwork and therapy for up to 30 minutes at a time - an unthinkable length of time when we started therapy. Seth's imitation skills are very strong now - he quickly learns new skills that are based in imitation. Seth plays for appropriately with toys - this is an area that many therapists remark is a strength for him that they do not see very often with other children with autism. Seth has growing imaginative skills - he pretends with kitchen toys, the dollhouse, cars, and his legos. Seth has made great gains through the interventions he has received.

Unfortunately Seth is still very affected with autism and will need continued intensive intervention for years to come. We are blessed to live in a state with waiver services that cover many of these therapies. After getting Seth on a waiver our out of pocket costs have been far lower than other families I know who do not have the same waiver services. My heart goes out to these families and I pray that soon there will be treatments available to all regardless of ability to pay. And yet there are many additional costs not covered by the waiver or insurance - including special and expensive gluten free, casein free foods; medical services with specialists not covered under insurance; therapy materials and products, and more.

We have been blessed by the generosity of God's people through the years. Friends and family have helped us to meet Seth's needs through generous financial gifts and we are soooo grateful for this help. We were recently blessed with a tremendous gift to help cover continuing costs for Seth. We are overwhelmed by God's provision in our lives and are thankful to have a need that gives us an opportunity to see God's hand at work in miraculous ways. We have grown in our faith as we have watched God provide and we have been so moved by the generosity of others. Yes the costs involved in raising a child with autism are great, but I'm beginning to believe that the blessings are even greater!!

Finding Hope in Autism

2011-04-02T05:29:00.011-05:00

April is Autism Awareness Month and Today is World Autism Awareness Day. I am a bit astounded to realize this is the seventh year that we have a observed these events in honor of our precious boy who is gripped by this disorder. Just over seven years ago we visited the Mayo Clinic with Seth and received the diagnosis of autism. Instead of being a great shock at the time in many ways it was a relief. His slow development had been attributed to his hearing loss and vision issues by the professionals who were working with him, but my gut as a mom said there was more. As we faced the diagnosis the intensity of therapy recommended was very shocking as the developmental pediatrician recommended 30-40 hours of intensive intervention weekly.

For 3 or 4 years we hovered around 30 hours a week and continue to be near that number now with his schoolwork, ABA, speech, and occupational therapy each week. Seth has grown and learned at his pace - often a slow pace. As my children and husband will attest, I don't like to do anything at a slow pace and it drives me nearly crazy watching others do things more slowly than I think they should. But I have come to marvel in Seth's small and steady gains and am so thankful for the bigger progress these add up to. Over the past couple weeks several people have remarked to me about how far Seth has come in different areas - about major challenges that he has overcome. These are good remembrances, it's so easy to forgot the road behind. Sometimes I think it's necessary to forgot as not to dwell in the ugly and incredibly difficult days.

Those extremely difficult days are for the most part behind us. We have learned to order our days in such a way to provide Seth the stability he needs so as to be able to live, learn, and laugh. For this I am soooo thankful. Most days my boy is happy apart from a few rough spots, less favored activities that are just necessary parts of life. But he's learning to cope. We are excited to explore new avenues of healing through a great generosity we have received. An appointment made with guarded hope to pursue further healing for our boy in the month ahead. We praise God for the provision of these resources. Resources that allow us an opportunity to hope afresh, remembering though that our true hope is in our faithful Lord who has carried us through. The God of unfailing love who will walk with us whatever the future holds for Seth. This is our greatest hope!!

The words of a song by Natalie Grant so beautifully articulate this hope we possess!!

"Our Hope Endures"

You would think only so much can go wrong, calamity only strikes once

And you would think this one has suffered her share, life will be kinder from here.

But sometimes the sun stays hidden for years,

Sometimes the sky rains night after night,

When will it clear?

But our hope endures, the worst of conditions.

It's more than our optimism. Let the earth quake.

Our hope is unchanged.

How do we comprehend peace within pain, or joy at a good man's wake?

Walk a mile with a woman whose body is torn, with illness but she marches on.

But sometimes the sun stays hidden for years,

Sometimes the sky rains nights after night.

When will it clear?

But our hope endures, the worst of conditions.

It's more than our optimism. Let the earth quake.

Our hope is unchanged.

Emmanuel, God is with us. El Shaddai, all sufficient.

We never walk alone and this is our hope.

Our hope endures, the worst of conditions. It's more than our optimism.

Let the earth quake. Let the earth quake. Let the earth quake.

Our hope is unchanged!!!

Take a listen at http://youtu.be/aIh7Wl0rZvg

Have a blessed day - knowing there is great hope!!

God's Great Love

2011-02-17T08:36:00.003-06:00

Over the past few weeks I have been reading many scriptures about and meditating on God's love for us. I so often lose sight of God's enduring, faithful, and unconditional love for us. I feel as though the mess of my life - the inner struggles with negativity and judgement, the many times I lose my cool with children, my lack of discipline in spending time with the Lord - I feel as though God can't really completely love a broken person like me. But those are lies of our enemy to my spirit.

"I have loved you deeply", says the Lord. Malachi 1:12

"For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:5b

"I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galations 2:20

"I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you expereience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:17-19

I am never going to fully comprehend God's love for me, but I want to understand it as much possible and be filled with the fullness of life and power as a result. It's so difficult to really understand this type of love living in a fallen world with sinful people, but I think God gives us glimpses. I think one glimpse of God's love for us is displayed in the way children love their parents. No matter how many times we mess up they are so quick to forgive and truly forget and just love us. I can yell at my kiddos and be very harsh with them, and then come to them and ask for forgiveness and they fully forgive, embrace me and extend true grace and love to me. What a gift to see such pure love expressed to me through my precious babes.

Today take some time to bask in God's great love for you. No matter how many times you've messed up, no matter what you've done He love you unconditionally and desires to know you personally. Amazing!!

Divine Graces

2011-01-27T21:09:00.004-06:00

"Shew me wherefore thou contendest with me." Job 10:2

"Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develop thy graces.

There are some of they graces which would never be discovered if it were not for they trials. Dost thou not know that thy faith never looks so grand in summer weather as it does in winter? Love is too often like a glow-worm, showing but little light

except it be in the midst of surrounding darkness.

Hope itself is like a star - not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity,

and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.

Afflictions are often the black foils in which God doth set

the jewels of his children's graces, to make them shine the better...

Depend upon it, God often sends us trials that our graces may be discovered,

and that we may be certified of their existence.

Besides, it is not merely discovery, real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials.

God takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians.

Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which thou art passing?

Is not the Lord bringing out your graces, and making them grow?

Is not this the reason why he is contending with you?"

Charles Spurgeon

Trials in our lives are an expression of God's grace toward us, a means of developing grace in our own lives, an opportunity for God's light to shine through us in a greater way. As much as I want all of the previously mentioned characteristics to be true of me, I'm not sure I really want to experience trials in order to get there. The culture I am surrounded by says that suffering is bad and must be avoided at all costs. It says that life should be about being happy because we deserve it!?! Even the language from one of our country's founding documents gives us the idea that life is all about pursuing happiness. I would contend this is not a Biblical perspective at all. But frankly it sounds a lot more appealing than the call we find in scripture to die to self and daily take up our cross and follow Christ.

As I face challenges in my life I'm not looking for the grace of God toward me or developing grace in my own life. I whine and moan. I ask "why me?" I pray for God to change my circumstances (usually in this order - I could at least pray first even if this may not be the right direction in which to pray). But as I look at the challenges our family has faced over the past 10 years I do see these graces emerging in our life. I see the grace God has shown to carry us through and ask more of us than we ever imagined possible and then equip us to follow His leading. I see two amazing kids who have grown up in the midst of these challenges and as a result have a spiritual maturity that often blows me away. I am so proud of the people they are becoming and I don't believe they would be the same people without the trials in our life.

I still struggle with my daily responses to the challenges before me. I am so quick to complain and question instead of looking for God's hand at work. So I am pressing on to know my Lord more - to truly experience His heart, to know that I know that I know the abiding love He has for me. It amazes, and honestly sometime discourages me that even after 20 + years of walking with the Lord, I still have so much further to grow. The depths of God's Word and His character will take all of eternity to grasp - would we really want to serve a god that we could fully understand? What a truly awesome God we serve!

2011-01-23T13:57:00.010-06:00

It has been a busy week at our house with a fun opportunity for Bella & Luke. Monday they auditioned, alongside 109 other children for a part in the production of Pinocchio with Missoula Children's Theater. About half of the children who auditioned got roles. Missoula is an organization that sends actor/director teams around the country to put on children's theater productions in just 1 week. 65,000 children act in a Missoula production each year - pretty amazing.

We were so excited when the kids both got parts. Bella was cast as Jiminy Cricket, Luke as a Pleasure Isle Kid. Rehearsals went from 4-8:30 pm Monday through Friday so there were many late night homework sessions and a little more urging than usual needed to get up in the mornings for school. Saturday the kids had to be at the theater at 11am for dress rehearsal before the two productions at 3 and 7 pm. We were so excited to have Mike's Mom & Dad join us for the weekend to see the show!

Luke as a Pleasure Isle Kid - his line - "Smoke a cigar - we can't do that!"

Jiminy, Jiminy

Bella, as Jiminy along with Pinocchio as Mr. Geppetto work on his creation.

Enjoying the cast party with Grandma & Grandpa!

Such a great time!!

The Constancy of Change

2011-01-16T14:49:00.002-06:00

As we begin a new year I've been reminded of the old adage that the only constant that in our lives is change. Earlier this week I was struck by the amazing changes we've seen with technology in the past 20 years as I loaded 20 albums onto my cellphone in about 15 minutes - something that would have taken hours back in the days of tapes - the medium of my high school era. I was also thinking about how amazing it is that a device the size of a fat credit card can make calls, surf the web, text message, record video, take pictures, play games and music. Who would have thought that would be possible 20 years ago when the first cell phones came out? I've thought of the amazing changes in video game technology as our family has loved the gift of the wii we received from Nana & Papa for Christmas. It's a far cry from the old Atari 4200 I played on as a kid.

2010 was a year of big changes in our family. Going through foster care training and receiving our first placement was a change we would never have imagined just a couple years ago and yet we see God's hand in this change in our lives and feel we are in the center of His will for our lives at this time. Our precious daughter Bella has told us that she had been feeling like she wasn't doing much for God before we became a foster family, but now she feels she is serving the Lord through this ministry in our very home. What a tremendous insight from a 12 year old.

That brings me to change which will take place in our home this year. In March we will enter a new season of parenting as we celebrate Bella's birthday. You hear so many terrible stories about parenting teens, but I am excited about this new phase in our life. I am so proud of the people I see my kids becoming and am excited to enter this new season where my role in their life changes. I already see that role changing from one of what seemed like constant correction in the early years to a role of guiding and encouraging. As I led worship this morning a line from the song "Hosanna" choked me up a bit. In the second verse it says "I see a generation rising up to take their place with selfless faith, with selfless faith." I see that selfless faith in my kids at times and am inspired by their love for the Lord and their desire to selflessly serve.

We are in the midst of a big change in our household as our first placement gradually comes to an end. If all goes well our first placement will be over in the middle of February. My mom asked me yesterday how I was feeling about that. I asked her if it was bad to say I'm okay with it? Overall it has been a good first experience, but I welcome a quieter home and a less crazy schedule for a time. We will probably hold off on taking another placement until May, just to have a little break. But I think by then I'll be ready to dive in again. More change!!

Changes, changes, changes. Just when I think I've adjusted to life and feel like I have things under control a bit - things change. I'm learning to live in that place of constant change and trust the Lord to be the source of constancy I need when everything around me keeps changing.

Update from a Bad Blogger

2011-01-06T21:28:00.003-06:00

It's been a busy few months in our house. Family life with 5 children is a perpetual circus act. Keeping all the balls in the air is a skill I have not yet mastered. There's always someone who needs something and fortunately usually several people who can help. Usually someone is fighting with someone else and I feel the need for a striped shirt and a whistle. I am thankful for a big house with numerous play areas to provide for much needed separation at times.

Here's a snapshot of fall at the Pedersens

End of August - first placement - whirlwind adjustment to family of 7
4 family birthdays in 3 months - whew!!
Luke plays his 3rd season of soccer and Grandma & Grandpa come for a visit and get to see a game
Jenn gets away to Mom's Conference early Nov. for a bit of rejuvenating
Whole fam travels to NE for Thanksgiving to visit extended family
Stay home for Christmas, then take a trip to WI the week after for a little ski fun - complete with lodging in a little log cabin - so cute and cozy

As I enter the new year I resist the widespread trend of making resolutions and yet I find myself feeling the need for renewal and positive change. After purchasing a wii fit balance board I did my first workout in I don't know how long yesterday and today am really feeling it. I'm contemplating changing my eating patterns, but just not really sure what direction to go with that. Beyond the focus on addressing my physical health I am feeling the need for spiritual renewal. Motherhood reveals the depth of my character flaws on a daily basis. I am battling to not feel like a complete failure in life in general as I daily see my selfishness, impatience, and anger. But I must remind myself of the grace of God, for which I am so thankful.

On the autism front autism is in the news today. But really what is being reported is old news - over a year old. And what is being reported is less than truthful. Without getting into all of it I am feeling very disappointed and hopeless that truth will ever be exposed about the causes of autism. I am disheartened that my son struggles so greatly on a daily basis and that more and more children are diagnosed daily with this devastating disorder. As seems to be the trend the fall was tough for Seth and consequently for me. We are considering new treatment options after taking a break from the biomedical over the past year.

Well there's a bit of an update on life at the Pedersens. Perhaps I should make a resolution to be a better, more regular blogger, but we'll see !?!

End of Summer

2010-07-31T16:23:00.006-05:00

It seems this summer has flown by faster than usual. We greatly enjoyed several summer trips and especially enjoyed having time to connect with family and friends. Bella & Luke start school in one short week and are very excited to see their friends and get back to their studies. They both are so relieved that our house has not sold and that they have another year at GMG.

After 10 months with our house on the market with very few showings and no offers we have decided to take the house off the market and take a break until next spring. Although we still feel we ultimately need to move to Ames for schooling for Seth we don't want to stress Bella & Luke out with another year of living in limbo and not knowing where they will be for the school year. This has not been an easy decision as it means another year of homeschooling Seth which is a great challenge for Jenn and Seth. Yet another good reason to turn to the Lord in prayer for strength. It seems He knows I need big challenges to stay completely dependent on Him. When things are going too smoothly I'm so prone to think I can handle things myself.

Over the past couple weeks I have been busy at work getting the kids bedrooms repainted so we could switch the boys' and Bella's rooms to make room for foster children. We received our foster license in the mail at the end of July and are excited to receive our first placement and now I can say that I'm truly ready logistically to welcome foster children into our home. Being ready emotionally is certainly another thing altogether - but this is one of those things I'm not sure you'll ever feel you're truly ready for. So we take the leap of faith and trust God to provide all we need.

Summer Fun!

2010-06-06T17:54:00.005-05:00

Summer is in full swing at our house. It's hard to believe we're nearing the end of June. The kids last day of school was June 3rd, which was followed up a couple days later by Bella's dance recital weekend and sending Bella off to Bible camp for the first time. She had a great time even though she was concerned she would be homesick. Last week we had a calmer week at home and managed to get to the aquatic center for the first time. We've had a lot of rain here in Iowa so we hadn't had a clear day when our schedule was free. As always the kids had a blast on the slides and in the lazy river.

This week we have VBS, which Bella & Luke are lovin! Seth attended the first evening, but I've kept him home nights 2 & 3. We'll try to go one more night, but it's a lot of craziness for him especially after a full day of therapy. And we're tryin' to not get him too maxed out right before we leave for our trip to CO.

Saturday we take off to travel out to CO to attend Adam's Camp - a special needs camp in the Winter Park area. We had the wonderful opportunity to experience this camp last year through God's orchestration and we're looking forward to attending again. Seth will have 5 days of intensive therapy, Bella & Luke will attend their sibling day camp program and Mike & I will have time together in the mountains. It's a great program designed to refresh the whole family.

Along with attending camp we're excited to have a chance to visit family and friends along the way in Colorado and Nebraska. We'll spend several days in Nebraska on the way back and have a chance to visit with extended family. And Bella & Luke are excited to be able to stay on in Nebraska for "Nana Camp" the week after the 4th of July. Hope you are all enjoying your summer and if we're coming your way soon we're lookin' forward to seeing you!

Autism Awareness Month

2010-04-01T07:26:00.003-05:00

April is autism awareness month. In years past I was very excited about this month and hopeful that the extra press and raised awareness would bring us closer to revealing the causes of this epidemic and turning the tide of autism. This year I feel less enthusiasm and less hope that the necessary changes will be made to curb this epidemic. I continue to do my part to educate those in my circle of life about the risks of vaccines, overuse of antibiotics, and other environmental toxic exposures that are causing the autism epidemic.

20 years ago 1 in 10,000 children were diagnosed with autism. Today 1 in 100 are diagnosed; 1 every 20 minutes. Every 20 minutes a family's life is forever changed; dreams for their child are forever altered, marriages are put in greater jeopardy with a divorce rate of 80% in the autism community, and family resources are strained while providing therapies and treatments. This is only a few of the stresses that autism places on a family. The cost is simply too high to sit back and allow this to continue.

Unfortunately the powers that be have decided that facing the truth will be too expensive for them which I believe is very shortsighted when you consider the enormous financial burden this ongoing epidemic will have on our country in the years and decades to come. This causes me great sadness; not only for my family and the daily struggles we face but for the many families new to this journey who need not have faced this struggle. Autism is preventable!

So how do we turn the tide of this epidemic? How can we prevent autism? There are a few basic things we as parents can do that will make a huge difference.
1) Educated yourself about vaccinations. We can determine the right vaccine schedule for our children - the schedule set out by the CDC is a guideline, not the law! You can choose to wait, stagger, or refuse vaccines all together. I believe it would be best to wait on the vast majority of vaccines until a child is 2 years old and their immune system is better developed. At that point take one vaccine at a time and never vaccinate when a child is sick or getting over an illness.
2) Green your cleaning products. Change over to non-toxic cleaning products and be aware of the many chemical products that you might be bringing into your home that do not have to be tested for health safety such as room freshening sprays and devices, febreeze type products, and wood polishes.
3) Control what your child eats. Go organic whenever you are able and to the best of your ability do not feed your family foods that are highly processed and contain preservatives and food dyes. These are chemicals that our bodies don't know how to process and can affect our children's brain development.
4) Limit antibiotic use. Only use antibiotics when absolutely necessary. Antibiotics deplete the balance of our GI systems which is our primary immune fighting system. Over 50% of ear infections in children are viral and therefore won't respond to antibiotics. Our bodies will fight even bacterial infections, so even in those cases antibiotics are not always necessary.

We can turn the tide!! Join me in praying throughout the month of April - check out this website to download a prayer guide for the month. http://childrenofdestiny.org/turning_the_tide

The Blessing of Bella

2010-03-10T08:27:00.004-06:00

Upon celebrating Bella's 12th birthday I have been thinking back on her life. It's truly amazing that it's been 12 years since her birth. She was born on a snowy night(18 inches of snow fell while we were at the hospital). From the start she was a joy; a happy, content baby who slept 5 hours the first night in the hospital and in 5 weeks time was sleeping through the night. She was by far the easiest baby I had - happy to play, happy to go, happy to sleep - just very happy. Mike and I joke that God lulled us into a false sense of security, thinking that having another baby would be no problem.

As she grew her beautiful personality become evident. She was a giving, sharing, obedient toddler who adjusted quickly to a new baby brother at the young age of 20 months. Her papa thought she was a little too obedient to be born to one of his strong-willed children. She always wanted to be mama's little helper and continues to this day. She has always been an outgoing child and easily fits in with different groups of people.

We see in her an amazing heart for people. She often puts me to shame with her selfless acts in our family. She truly has a heart to put the needs of others before her own. She also has a heart to teach and help others. Since we began therapy with her brothers when they were very young she has watched, learned and joined in teaching her brothers. She also loves helping others students at school and has a special affinity for young children. We see a great potential in her to be an amazing teacher or therapist when she grows up.

In the past couple years we have begun to see the amazing heart she has for the Lord. She spends time each morning in quiet times with no daily prompting from her parents and often talks about God's Word and what she is learning about God. She repeatedly amazes us, and other adults in her life with the maturity of her insights. She is truly wise beyond her years. We praise the Lord for the way she desires to grow in her relationship with Him.

We are blessed beyond measure to have Bella in our family and praise the Lord for her!!

February Musings

2010-02-07T21:42:00.002-06:00

It's hard to believe that it's already February in the year 2010. Time really does fly. Winter continues with a vengeance here in Iowa. Bella & Luke have had only 1 full week of school since Christmas due to snow/ice storm, and the coming week is not looking hopeful with another storm already in progress. But we have enjoyed most of the days together playing games, reading, and watching fun movies. And I've found that Seth loves doing his schoolwork for big sis Bella. So I've taken full advantage of that as he generally fights working through things with Mom. Bella thoroughly enjoys being the teacher so it's a win, win!!

Seth is starting to spend a couple hours on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the Christian school. We are hoping this will help him to adjust to a classroom setting and make the transition to school in Ames smoother. A friend from church who has experience as a special ed para is going in as his aid, which is a total blessing. We are still waiting for the house to sell and are grateful to hear from our realtor that the market is picking up a bit.

Unfortunately Seth's head banging has increased in frequency and intensity greatly in the past few weeks and we are feeling very frustrated in not being able to help him cope in better ways. It's heart wrenching to watch him potentially cause further damage to a brain that already is not functioning well and it's becoming more and more difficult to restrain him as he is getting bigger and is freakishly strong. After a bad incident at church this morning Mike and I were both very discouraged and honestly scared about how long we will be able to keep him in our home if this continues as he continues to get bigger and stronger. We would appreciate your continued prayers for Seth, especially about this issue. We are considering seeing a new doctor in Chicago with hopes that she could help us with this issues and some others, but waiting on God to provide the needed finances.

This is one of the ugly realities of autism, which prompt Mike and I both declare in moments of frustration that we hate autism. We love our boy dearly, so much that it's often painful. But we hate this disease that has a hold on him and keeps him from fully engaging with us and the world around us. We continue to pray for God's healing hand on our boy and are trying to not lose heart in petitioning the Lord. But there are periods when we both become very weary and feel very hopeless. These are the times in the past when God has used His people to carry us and pray us through the valleys. We so appreciate how God has demonstrated His love to us in this way.

A New Adventure

2010-01-07T01:05:00.003-06:00

As we begin a new year we are prayerfully considering a new adventure in the Pedersen family. 2009 brought some challenges to our thinking, realizing that our life is pretty comfortable and incredibly blessed. Some close friends were amazed that we consider our lives comfortable, considering the challenges we have faced with our boys. But that is how we feel - considering the vast needs of people in our own country and around the world - our lives are pretty comfortable.

Mike's heart was touched through a couple classes he participated in and a friend's presentation on orphan Sunday in November. My heart and mind were opened to the needs of kids in our country through a great book I read last fall. We began to feel the tug of God's Spirit challenging us to make a difference in our part of the world in a way we are able.

As a result of God's promptings in our lives throughout 2009 Mike and I started talking about pursuing foster care in November. As we begin the new year we have officially started the process, which turns out to be a rather lengthy one. Our first step is a visit to the police station for fingerprinting (I hope that speeding tickets will not disqualify us). Next we fill out some paperwork and attend an informational meeting. After the background check is run we will start a 10 week, 30 hour class along with a home study to become foster parents.

Mike & I keep asking ourselves if we're really doing this. Some we've shared this with have pretty much said we are crazy, in not so many words. But it is what God has laid on our hearts and He is giving us complete peace and agreement with one another about this. We have talked with Bella & Luke about this possibility and they are very excited. We've told them that this will be hard at times - Bella's response was that it just means we'll have to love the child all the more - such a sweet girl she is!

We would welcome your prayers for us in this process. This is not something we would have imagined pursuing when we first married, or even a few years ago. But life is often quite different than we expect. Our desire to simply follow God's leading in our lives and this seems to be His leading for us at this time.

"Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all - he is the greatest."
Luke 9:48

Crazy Christmas Travels

2009-12-28T10:41:00.003-06:00

We have arrived home safely after interesting travels to Nebraska in the midst of the Christmas storm of 2009. We were thankful that we had planned to travel to Nebraska a few days before Christmas as we had arranged a suprise birthday party for my mom's 60th birthday. Even in the midst of the beginning of a raging blizzard many of Mom's friends and neighbors joined our family in celebrating her birthday. It was a great evening. Then it was 2 1/2 days of a pretty crazy blizzard with some major winds (50-60 mph) and snow that kept my extended family snowed in at Nana and Papa's house. My kids had a great time playing with their cousins and the adults managed to enjoy the time together without letting the close quarters and many children drive us crazy.

After 3 days snowed in at my parents we finally made our way over to Mike's parents (15 miles away), with a bit of drift-busting on the 26th and enjoyed Mike's family get-together that evening. Unfortunately our time with Mike's parents was cut short due to illness, as Mike's mom ended up in the hospital with the flu. So we decided to head home a day early. The roads were fairly clear on the way back to Iowa with a few slow spots due to blowing snow which caused some slick spots which led seeing a number of drivers who had very recently gone in the ditch. We were thankful to make it home without joining those drivers in the ditch.

Now we are excited to enjoy the week at home with some game time with friends, a bowl gathering with fellow Nebraska fans and our annual family-friendly New Year's Eve party. It's good to celebrate life with family and friends!! Happy New Year to all!!

Christmas Craziness

2009-12-02T19:00:00.002-06:00

The Christmas craziness is in full swing. Christmas parties, programs, letter, pictures, shopping, baking, decorating. On one hand it is exciting and fun, on another it makes me want to take a nap. I often wonder how we manage to get all the extra stuff done this time of year in addition to all the regular stuff that has to take place. But somehow it all gets accomplished. I'm blessed to have a very helpful hubby who loves decorating for Christmas. He routinely gets the tree up for me and helps the kids and I decorate it, along with putting up the outside decorations and hauling the boxes of other Christmas stuff up from the basement. Last weekend he was the one excited to get the process going. I'm so thankful for his holiday spirit.

I'm a bit behind on my Christmas cookie baking. I usually start in the beginning of November and begin stashing cookies in the freezer. I just got started baking cookies over the Thanksgiving weekend. I'm now trying to make up for lost time and get all the cookies baked for the Christmas tins for our friends and neighbors.

It is a joy to take time to get together with others and celebrate the season. Tomorrow night we'll enjoy the kids Christmas concert at school - and yes, their school still calls it a Christmas concert!! Friday night we'll enjoy our annual ministry leader Christmas party - a joyful time to enjoy a delicious meal and wonderful fellowship together with other brothers and sisters in Christ who we serve alongside throughout the year. Next week I look forward to a Christmas coffee with my Bible study girls and the annual holiday party with Mike's work - which is a fun night of good food and celebrating the wins of the company. And we hope to have our small group members for our annual Christmas dinner - the one of the few times a year we use our wedding china.

And once all that takes place, it will be time to pack the van and head to Nebraska to spend a few days with our extended family. The kids are excited to see all their cousins and we all look forward to the fellowship and all the amazing food!! I hope your December will be a month of joyful celebration with family and friends and that you will take time to remember the true reason for the season.

Our Precious Boy Turns 8

2009-10-19T20:53:00.003-05:00

It's hard to believe that my baby turned 8 years old today. It has been 8 very eventful years in the life of our family since we welcomed child number 3. When Seth joined our family in October of 2001 Luke was a month shy of 2 years old and Bella was almost 7 months shy of 4 years old. It was a very overwhelming time for me as a mom to 3 young kiddos. The next 3 or 4 years were short on sleep and long on stress, but as the kids have grown and matured things have calmed down a bit in our lives. Now the kids are fairly independent and can be very helpful, even Seth enjoys helping unload the dishwasher and helping mom carry in the groceries after a trip to the grocery store.

Seth's autism diagnosis was a huge turning point in the life of our family. I can tell you when most events in my life occurred in relation to that fateful day 5 1/2 years ago. I often think of events as either pre or post autism. Having a child with a severe disability changes your entire perspective on parenting and life. But not in all bad ways. Autism has taught me to put things in perspective and has made me realize what is truly important. I don't get bent out of shape if my kids don't get straight A's or if they are not the star athlete on their team. Autism in my life has helped me to value the little things. My dreams for my children are markedly different than they were pre-autism.

There were days when I didn't think we would make it through, when I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up from the nightmare I was living through. But by the grace of God we are walking through this challenge in the life of our family. Bella & Luke have grown into caring, compassionate kids that look out for their little brother in a beautiful way. And Seth is growing and maturing in his own right. He is more engaged with those around him, his reading and math skills are growing quickly, and he is doing much better with going out in the community - I no longer have to keep a tight hold on his hand at all times, he will stay close to me for the most part.

On Saturday we are excited to have Seth's first big birthday party. In previous years we didn't feel he would enjoy a large celebration, but this year we felt his was ready for a grand celebration. The party will have a lego theme - Seth's favorite thing in the world - complete with the Star Wars Lego video game on a big screen and a lego cake. We are excited to celebrate with family and friends. I'm excited to celebrate the life of a little boy who has shown me my own capacity for great love and great perseverance, love in a way I didn't know I could love and the ability to persevere that I didn't know I possessed. Love and perseverance that could only come through the extravagant grace of God.

Do You Believe that 1 in 60 American Males Has Autism?

2009-10-10T08:39:00.003-05:00

David Kirby - one of my heroes in the autism community and a genuinely nice guy who Mike and I have had the pleasure of meeting personally wrote a great article on Huffington Post that reiterates what I shared in my last post. Please take a look!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-kirby/do-you-believe-that-one-i_b_310378.html

Stop the Madness!!

2009-10-05T08:30:00.006-05:00

A new study recently published in the journal Pediatrics shows that 1 in 100 children ages 3 to 17 now have autism. You can read the CNN story about this new study at http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/10/05/autism.study/index.html This study shows a rise from the previously published numbers of 1 in 150. And yet the health officials in our country continue to refuse to do the research into environmental triggers that are causing the autism in our children. They continue to cling to the genetic theory - even though it's impossible to have a genetic epidemic. They also continue to claim that the rise may just be due to better diagnosis instead of facing the terrifying epidemic that is before us.

Thirty years ago 1 in 10,000 children had autism. I know one of those 1 in 10,000 - he's a bright , wonderful man now who is doing very well as a result of much advocacy on his mother's part. I am blessed to call his mom my friend. She tells me that she was completely alone in seeking treatment and educational intervention for her son - she did not know any other families in her area who had children with autism, because there were no other families in her area who had children with autism. I can't imagine how lonely that must of been, but she is an amazingly strong and resilient lady who blazed a trail for many moms to follow. She has been a tremendous support and encouragement to me and I am so thankful for her friendship.

Loneliness in this struggle is not a problem today. I am good friends with 3 other moms in my community who are facing the same struggles with their children and know of numerous other families who are also walking this journey just in my small Midwestern community. There are 10-15 support groups throughout the state of Iowa alone to help families dealing with autism. Autism is certainly on the rise - it is not just due to better diagnosis or my friend would have met other moms 30 years ago who were going through the same journey.

When will our health officials wake up and realize that something or numerous somethings we are exposing our kids to are contributing to the rise of childhood autism along with the rise in numerous other childhood diseases including asthma, allergies, diabetes and cancer just to name a few? When will the madness stop? Many toxins in our environment are causing these diseases in children and many diseases in adults as well. These toxins bombard us throughout our days including the food we are eating with pesticides, food dyes, preservatives and genetically modified ingredients; the toxic cleaning products we use and breath in our homes; the flame retardants that are sprayed on all mattresses and children pajamas, the array of toxins in our vaccines that we inject into our bodies, the airborne mercury we breathe that is given off by coal-fired power plants; and the list could go on and on.

We must wake up and demand that the leaders of the health agencies in our country who are supposed to protect us start addressing the real problems instead of sticking their heads in the sand and throwing money into areas of research that are archaic and useless. We must start taking personal responsibility for our own families and rid our lives of as many of these toxins as possible. We must educate ourselves on health issues and share the knowledge we have with other so they can lead healthier lives. We must stop poisoning our children! We must stop the madness!!

The Move is On Again!

2009-10-04T06:48:00.002-05:00

After a few days in limbo we have had some doors closing here in Marshalltown and are seeing that we do indeed need to make the move over to Ames. It has been a roller coaster couple of weeks, but we're now once again set now on getting moved as soon as the house sells. It is bittersweet to think of leaving Marshalltown - the many wonderful friends, our great church, and the wonderful home the Lord has allowed us to live in for the past 7 years. After being here for a total of 13 years, it's a little hard to imagine moving. When we moved to Marshalltown we intended to stay for only a few years, but plans changed.

We are thankful that we're only moving 40 minutes away and will be able to keep in touch with friends in Marshalltown. Mike and I are looking forward to refamiliarizing ourselves with our old college stomping grounds and taking advantage of all the cultural opportunities, in addition to the better shopping and restaurant options available there. It will be fairly easy to entice friends to come and visit if we just ask to meet them at Great Plains Pizza or Hickory Park for supper - two of our favorite restaurants in all of Iowa!

Bella & Luke are still not happy about the move. Bella informed me last week that she's moving back to Marshalltown when she grows up and she's going to raise her family here. I tried to tell her there's a great big, beautiful world out there and she could live anywhere across the US when she gets older, but she was having none of it. I am confident that once we get moved over and the kids get settled into school, church and extracurricular activities they will begin to like Ames as much as they have liked Marshalltown.

We had a showing on the house on Friday and heard good reports. The couple is a first time buyer and therefore need to make a decision in the next week or two. We're hopeful our house wowed them and we are praying that the first showing will be the only showing and they will give us an offer next week. Through all of this I have seen God's hand at work and I am confident that His timing is best for us, so whether the house sells next week or in 6 weeks I know it will be the right timing for our family.

Two Open Doors

2009-09-30T05:12:00.003-05:00

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks since my last post. September 19th and 20th we enjoyed a wonderful time at hidden acres with our church family at our 2nd annual family retreat. I've decided that if we move to Ames we're crashing this retreat in coming years. I love our church family - such a wonderful group of Chrisitans that truly love on one another.

Following that fun weekend we had a busy week getting the house listed with a realtor, looking at more houses in Ames, finally had my appointment at the pain clinic and got relief for my back pain (cortisone injections are my new best friend - back hasn't felt this good in years), and attending the fall conference with the Autism Society of Iowa on Friday. Then came home to help my cousin and hubby move and welcome friends who stayed with us for the weekend. In the midst of all this craziness a new option presented itself for us to possibly stay in Marshalltown. We approached the new Christian school about Seth attending there. This option would entail us providing a one-to-one to go into the school with him.

So over another fun weekend having old friends at our house and taking in the Oktemberfest parade we talked about and prayed about this new possibility and were excited about the option to stay. Yesterday - Tuesday the 29th - seemed like it would be the day we would have a clearer picture of what the future would hold. We were to hear about what the Christian school board thought of Seth attending there and I met with the Ames Public Schools Director of Special Ed to talk about placement options for Seth in Ames.

At the end of the day, things are not a lot clearer. We have two open doors. Ames offered up the autism classroom that we have been hearing good things about and were generally very open and accommodating. The Christian school also said they would be open to having Seth come, starting out with an hour or so a morning and working up to half days. So we have more praying and thinking to do. Ultimately we may leave the decision up to the Lord and see if the house sells or not. For now we continue to live in limbo - which I'm finding rather challenging. I guess this is the time to do what the song from the last post said - I will choose to serve the Lord while I'm waiting.

While I'm Waiting

2009-09-18T21:15:00.006-05:00

This song has really been speaking to my heart - put it on the top of my playlist so you can listen and read the lyrics below - hope it ministers to you wherever you're at today!!

While I'm Waiting by John Waller

I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful but patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You

While I'm waiting I will worship

While I'm waiting I will not faint

I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy but faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

2009-09-12T22:24:00.002-05:00

Waiting is one of my least favorite things. I don't like waiting in line at the store, waiting in traffic, or waiting for everyone to get to van to leave for church on Sunday mornings. I'm already finding that I'm tired of waiting on our house to sell and it's barely been on the market. I'm a very impatient person. Lately I've been doing a lot of waiting; waiting on doctor's to call with test results, waiting on doctors to send referrals, waiting for appointments to be scheduled, waiting on my back to heal while waiting for the house to sell. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

And yet it seems that much of life is waiting. I've been challenged lately to put my trust in the Lord as I wait. All this waiting has prompted me consider what the Word has to say about the subject. A quick look in my concordance pointed me to some interesting verses about waiting.

Psalm 27: 13-14 - "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be, strong, and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 130: 5-6 - "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning."

Isaiah 30:18 - "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him."

So I am to be strong and take heart while waiting. Those things don't seem to really go together. I am to wait more than a watchmen waits for the morning. The watchmen are probably pretty certain that the morning will come as it has come every morning of their lives - so we are to wait with great expectancy. Waiting can be an active experience. There is blessing promised by a gracious, compassionate, and just God for those who wait. That's quite a promise.

So I guess maybe waiting isn't such a bad thing. And in the midst of waiting I will continue to serve the Lord with my life - praising Him, loving Him and loving those He's placed in my life. Doesn't sound so bad after all. But don't expect me to start enjoying waiting in traffic anytime soon.

Moving Forward

2009-09-02T20:55:00.002-05:00

It has been a busy past week and a half with much work on the house, looking for a new house in Ames, and dealing with a back injury. I have been extremely blessed by some wonderful friends who have come over to help. Thursday and Friday 3 friends painted my foyer, living room and dining with marginal help from me as I was dealing with extreme back pain and very bad reactions to pain meds. Tomorrow more friends are coming to continue helping us get the house fixed up. It's humbling and heart touching to see the love of Christ lived out in others lives as they minister to us through offering help.

Monday Seth and I started some homeschooling lessons and he completely blew me away. He was excited to get to the computer to do his computer-based reading program and I thought I'd see how much he could do independently. We used the same curriculum last year, but I had to help him with operating the mouse to complete the lessons. Monday he did 5 lessons independently with minimal assistance from me when the mouse was being difficult. He is clearly reading and was so proud of himself for being able to do this on his own. It's wonderful to see him growing in independence and knowledge.

Since the big kids started school Seth has shown sadness at their leaving each morning. The first couple mornings he actually put his shoes on when they were getting to ready to leave and I had to console him that he didn't get to go along. Since then he watches them go and stands at the door looking sadly out the window. I take this as another sign that our decision to move over to Ames and get him into a classroom setting is a step he's ready for. His home-based program over the past 5 years has been a great building block for him, but I think at this point he needs more than we can offer at home. We believe that a new setting will challenge him both socially and educationally; a challenge we are seeing he is ready to face.

So we continue with preparations for moving. Our house went on the market, for sale by owner, yesterday. We plan to market it privately for 3 weeks while finishing up house projects and then list with the same realtor we bought the house with 7 years ago. We are praying God brings us a private buyer so we can save the commission money, but put a limit on the amount of time we will market it without a realtor. Tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday Mike plans to work on house projects with help from friends from church - with a crazy fast trip to Nebraska Friday and Saturday for his brother's wedding.

Last night we toured some homes in Ames and found a couple options that would work for our family. We are trying not to get our hopes set on a certain house as we are not sure what will still be on the market once our house sells. But we are encouraged that there will be some good options for us there. My greatest challenge at this point is waiting on the Lord for the right timing - I'm so impatient and just want this all to happen right now. But I desire to trust that God's timing will be perfect.

Change, Change, Change

2009-08-23T20:44:00.003-05:00

The winds of change are blowing. The list of house project to accomplish before selling the house are mounting. And the reactions to the idea of moving are exhausting. After years of considering different options for moving I think it's finally going to happen. But we're not going far. Provided our house sells we are moving back over to Ames (Mike and I both graduated from ISU and lived in Ames when we were first married).

We have been investigating schooling options for Seth and have found that Ames schools have good programming and do a good job of working with families and therapy agencies to provide kiddos with a quality education and setting. After homeschooling Seth for the past 2 years we feel it's time to find a good educational setting for Seth. We are happy to see some social skills growth in Seth and believe that a classroom setting will help him to grow further along with taking some pressure off of me for providing his educational needs.

So we're doing all we can to get the house sold. Unfortunately the list of projects is overwhelmingly long. We got a quote on painting the house exterior - but it was quite high - so we're getting other quotes and weighing our options. We've cleared out much of the clutter, replaced some light fixtures, cleaned up around the outside (trimming trees, cleaning the gutters and clearing yard waste), and will be painting some interior rooms and re-landscaping this week.

And if all of that is not exhausting enough I have a house full of people who are none too happy about this move. Luke is doing the best with the change - not a surprise as he's a kiddo that rolls with the punches pretty well. Bella on the other hand has shed many tears and is sooo sad to leave her friends. And as this prospect becomes more real I am also feeling sad about leaving the town we've call home for 13 years. We moved here intending to stay on 3 or 4 years, but have stayed much longer. This is the community we brought all 3 kids home from the hospital as babies in. It's the only home our children have ever known. It's a place we've invested greatly in. We've attended 2 wonderful churches here and have many wonderful friends here.

On the up side, we're not moving that far and hope we will be able to keep in touch. But I know it will be a major change. Our house will change, schools will change, my job will change, our church will change, and even relationships will change. But we believe this is God's provision for Seth and our family and look forward to what He has for us in Ames. We are leaving much but have much to look forward to in Ames. We love the community of Ames, the college town feel, the great restaurants and shopping, the wonderful parks. We will most likely attend the church we attended as newlyweds and still know many people there, so that will make it an easier transition.

So it is a time of many changes and mixed feelings. We ask for your prayers for a quick sale of our house and a smooth transition.

"Swine" Flu Vaccine - Run as Fast as You Can!!

2009-08-05T01:40:00.004-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written about vaccine issues. I felt it was time to touch on this subject again with all the H1N1 flu vaccine talk that is swirling in the media. The fear mongering in the mainstream media is in full tilt. On several occasions over the past couple weeks I've turned the channel from a supposedly reputable news program because I could not stomach the info they were sharing. The talk of a major flu pandemic that will kill healthy people left and right is a lot of hype in my opinion.

In the U.S. there have been 3 "major" flu pandemics throughout the past century - 3 - that's it. The Spanish Flu of 1917-1918, the Asian Flu of 57-58 and the Hong Kong Flu of 68-69. In comparison to the Spanish Flu, the following "pandemics" were very minor. So let's look at the Spanish Flu Pandemic. This "pandemic" occured a looooong time ago when sanitation and food supplies were far inferior to present day, not to mention the advances we have made in health care practices in the past 90 years. Doctors of 1917-18 had very little at their disposal - no antivirals, no respirators. Such a "pandemic" in our time would have much less impact on our society.

Following the small 68-69 "pandemic" which had it's greatest impact on the elderly and immune compromised and with many in our country who still remembered the "Great Plague" of 1918-1919 scientists were working on vaccines to combat these diseases. In 1976 a soldier at Fort Dix died of the "swine" flu and a mass vaccination program was pushed strongly by the medical community. These vaccines were not fully tested (although really most all of our current day vaccines are not fully tested) and caused far greater harm than the flu itself. Private Lewis was the only individual to die of the 1976 "swine" flu, but hundreds or possibly thousands of Americans who received the vaccine died or had negative health consequences as a result of the vaccine.

Any of this sound familiar? Are we incapable of learning anything from history? The CDC & FDA are fast-tracking a "swine" flu vaccine at this very moment. A vaccine that will contain thimerosal, a vaccine-adjunctant that the pharmaceutical industry was asked to remove 10 years ago. An adjunctant that multiple studies have linked to autism - just not the studies the government wants to cite! And among the first on the list to receive this "vitally important vaccine" are pregnant moms and children. A vaccine that will not be tested in the usual manner, and in my opinion the standard testing is pitiful. Adverse vaccine reactions are only followed for 2-4 weeks in the usual studies that our government uses to test vaccines. Multiple vaccines are not given together to test for possible negative interactions, but we give little babies multiple vaccines routinely on 4 or 5 occasions before their 2nd birthdays. Craziness!!

I implore those out there reading this to run as far and as fast from the "swine" flu vaccine as possible. Take some extra vitamins - C, D (get sunlight everyday along with taking a supplement). Buy some echinachea tea - boosts the immune system and is really yummy - my favorite kind has elderberries along with the echinachea. Eat healthy and as much as you can get adequate sleep. These precautions will keep you healthy far better than a series of vaccines that have not been fully tested and could cause multiple side effects!

For a much more detailed explanation of the issues surrounding the "swine" flu vaccine check out the following link from a great organization made up of top notch science minds.
http://www.ageofautism.com/2009/07/overview-of-safeminds-swine-flu-concerns.html#more
And if you would like to read about the research the government doesn't like to cite that shows a link between autism and mercury (found in thimerosal) check out safeminds website http://www.safeminds.org/.

A Fun Summer Visit Causes Reflection

2009-07-28T21:45:00.003-05:00

Today we had the chance to visit with an old friend of mine from our Ames days. We met when we were both newlyweds attending E-Free in Ames. We had our first kiddos just months apart and our 2nd kiddos very close together also. We kept in touch for a time after Mike and I moved to Marshalltown but as the years passed and more children came along and all the busyness that ensued we had lost touch. It was so fun to spend the afternoon together with our kiddos - all 7 of them and catch up, as though we had never lost touch. What a blessing to have friends in the faith who make it so easy to just jump right back in.

Our kiddos all played together so well - not one fight to break up. We took a stroll to a park near their house and the kids played on an amazing, huge slide pyramid and had a great time. Seth joined right in the fun of climbing the stairs and sliding down the very long tube slides. It did a mama's heart good to see him playing with other kiddos. I was blessed by the way my friend's kids reached out to him and included him as much as he would allow. Luke loved the park and playing with friends so much he was asking me at bedtime prayers when we are going back. Bella and my friend's oldest daughter, just 2 months apart in age but a good 9 inches apart in height (Bella's a peanut) were asking in good girl fashion if they could have a sleepover together. The day was a hit for one and all!!

It's summer days like this that make me realize how blessed I truly am, despite the challenges God has allowed in my life He has given the strength to carry on and find joy and peace in the midst. This dear friend knew me during a time in my life when I was struggling greatly with depression following the boys' births and diagnosis. She asked me how I am now doing and commented that I seem so happy now. I took a moment to remember and reflect on how far God has brought me. There are still hard days and weeks, but by the grace of God I have joy and peace in the midst of the struggles and have experienced a great deal of victory over the depth of depression that I formally struggled with. I realize that trials are a major part of the journey of life for many in this world and have decided (on most days) to embrace the journey and learn all I can about my God and myself. I have come to a place of ultimately desiring to praise God with my life no matter what. I have learned to turn to Him with my fears, frustrations, joys and triumphs and I pray that in all things I can give Him the glory!!

Psalm 115:1 says, "Not to us, O Lord, but to you goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness." This is the cry of my heart as of late. That God could receive all the glory as I raise my kiddos, love and serve my husband, minister to others at church and work, and all the times in between those. God's unfailing love and faithfulness is worthy of our ongoing worship with the whole of our lives. Not to us, but to You goes all the glory!!

Seeing Some Changes

2009-07-21T20:39:00.003-05:00

As we are settling back into a more regular schedule we are excited to begin to see some more growth in Seth. He is mastering goals in his in-home therapy program that we had been working on for months. His list of newly mastered goals grows longer each day. Sunday he spent part of the day with a respite provider who had not seen him in over 2 months. Dan shared that he could see some great changes in Seth. Seth was clearly communicating his wants (through his Dynavox) and was more present than Dan had seen him before. Dan also said that Seth's xbox skills had improved dramatically (Seth and Dan enjoy playing video games together - it's become part of their routine). We have also seen progress in some of his goals with speech and occupational therapy. His core strength has improved significantly and his receptive language is growing by leaps and bounds.

Verbal language is still absent and his head banging has been pretty bad lately, but we are hopeful that all the therapies he received in North Carolina and Colorado have made a positive impact in his life. We will be seeing a new doc in Omaha next week. Dr. Moreno took the place of the doc that we had been seeing. I have done some further research on this new doc and am hopeful he will have some fresh ideas to help Seth. We are also on the waiting list for a new doc in Chicago if Dr. Moreno is not the right fit for us. And we are talking about doing more hyperbaric at a clinic in Wisconsin. We don't know when or really how, but do feel it's something we'd like to try again to see if there would be further growth.

A Busy Week

2009-07-15T16:59:00.004-05:00

It's only Wednesday and I'm all tired out! It's VBS week for our family. The kids are having a great time and I'm enjoying having a much more laid back role with VBS this year - just doing a little tech support and taking care of the itty bitties 3 mornings, but I'm still feeling pooped out on this Wednesday afternoon. Managing all the schedules with therapy, work, ministry, and throwing VBS on top of all that has taxed me mentally this week. I feel like I'm running in 7 different directions at times, but such is life for many I know. I'm hoping the rest of the summer will feel a bit more laidback - a girl can hope right!?!

Luke invited his best friend from school to VBS and we were all excited that T agreed to come. T has been having a great time and plans to come all week. From what I can gather T and his family do not attend church regularly. We are praying that T will understand the message of the gospel and ask Jesus into his heart this week. Bella also has enjoyed bringing a friend who already knows Jesus. It's fun to see the kids discover faith and grow in it.

We are looking forward to the coming weekend as Bella will be baptized on Sunday. She is very excited to take this step in her faith and publicly proclaim her trust in Christ. I am often humbled by her faith and commitment to the Lord and her understanding of spiritual things. While in Nebraska on our last trip my brother was so touched to find her first thing in the morning at the kitchen table having her quiet time. This is a daily choice she is making with very little prompting from me to grow in her faith after I challenged the kids to start the habit of a quiet time last summer. It does a mother's heart good to see such choices being made.

Sunday will be a fun day with our church's annual Johnson Farm Sunday - worship outdoors, baptisms, and a picnic lunch together followed by an afternoon of outdoor activities. It's always a wonderful time of worship and fellowship together that will be made more special by Bella's baptism.

Playlist Added

2009-07-08T23:16:00.002-05:00

Thanks to my beautiful sister-in-law Chelsea, and her wonderful blog, I figured out how to add a playlist to my blog with a few of my favorite songs. You can scroll down to the bottom of the page when you visit my blog to choose from the song playlist - which is short at this time, but I will add more as time goes by.

The lead song on my playlist is called He's My Son and is a tune that regularly brings Mike and I to tears. It so perfectly portrays the emotions we face each day with Seth. It was written about a little boy with cancer. I recently heard from a friend who attended a Mark Schultz concert this summer that the boy who inspired the song is now a teenager and cancer-free - PTL!!

I hope you will enjoy the addition of some of my favorite songs as you visit my blog.

The Journey Continues

2009-07-08T20:03:00.005-05:00

Our trip to Nebraska and Colorado went wonderfully. We enjoyed seeing family, friends, and taking in the beautiful scenery. We were so blessed by the obvious way God worked to give us a special experience with Adam's Camp. And now we are so happy to be home. Seth has started back into his therapy schedule and we will also be working on some academics through the summer as we get settled back in.

Bella and Luke are struggling to come down off the "vacation high". They think I'm going to have exciting things for them to do throughout the day, each day - sorry kiddos, vacation's over. They are looking forward to VBS next week - that will satisfy the activity high for the week, then I only have 5 more weeks or so to entertain them until school starts again. Big piles of books from the library each week will keep them busy along with the occasional play date with friends and trips to the aquatic center. I think I'll make use of their boundless energy and have them help me accomplish the long list of things I need to get done around the house, including a thorough cleaning and massive decluttering of closets and the toy room. After that I hope to get some scrapbooking done before starting full time back into the homeschooling schedule in the fall. All this might be a bit optimistic, but it's good to have goals!

We continue to ask God for direction in Seth's therapy/education program. We are considering changing to a new biomedical doctor out of Chicago and are currently on her waiting list and will hear in 6-8 weeks when we can get in with her. We are looking into a hyperbaric clinic in Wisconsin as a possibility for additional treatments with that therapy. This center is a bit more expensive than North Carolina, but would be close enough for Seth and I to come home each weekend. We are talking with the Christian school in our town about a weekly social skills group for Seth in exchange for me teaching a weekly music class there.

Most of all we continue to pray for God's healing hand in our little boy's life. We pray that we will see growth in his life as a result of the great opportunities he's had with hyperbaric and Adam's Camp over the past 2 1/2 months. The journey continues. Sometimes I wish the destination seemed closer at hand; that we were seeing more obvious, major progress, but unfortunately I can't control that. So I will press on and pray for strength to persevere with joy in the midst of the journey.

Saying Goodbye to the Mountains

2009-06-30T18:09:00.002-05:00

We are wrapping up our time in Colorado and will say goodbye to the mountains tomorrow and head for the flatlands of Nebraska to spend time with family. It has been a trip of unexpected changes in Seth's participation in Adam's Camp, our extended stay in the Winter Park area and our change of lodging from Utah to Breckenridge, CO.

After having a few days to reflect on our time at Adam's Camp I am so thankful for the experience for our whole family. Even though there were no major breakthroughs for Seth I feel the camp was a positive adventure for our whole family. Our final conference with the therapy team did not reveal any major changes needed in our therapy program at home, but it did give us some fresh ideas for approaching skills Seth is struggling with. I was very encouraged by the reports the therapists gave about Seth's ability to adapt to new social situations and learn new routines. Seth loved playing group games such as duck, duck, goose and pass the egg.

We are enjoying our time in Breckenridge, but struggling a bit with altitude sickness as our condo is at 10, 288 feet above sea level. Even Mike, who is in pretty good shape, gets winded from walking up a flight of stairs. Sunday afternoon Bella & I strolled through downtown Breckenridge and checked out the annual sidewalk sales finding some pretty good deals. Sunday night we drove down I-70 to Idaho Springs to meet friends from the Loveland for dinner. Today we all explored downtown Breckenridge and visited a couple museums and enjoyed learning about local history. Unfortunately Seth had a meltdown only about 40 minutes into our adventure so we headed back to the condo - I think he's ready to head home, or at least to the familiar surroundings of Nana and Papa's house.

We have enjoyed each part of our trip and look forward to the last few days of vacation in Nebraska with extended family. All of my siblings will be there visiting my mom and dad so it will be fun to have all the cousins together. Bella and Luke are really looking forward to seeing all the cousins and playing together. We are all also looking forward to the Bergman-Reid picnic at the Johnson Lake on Saturday night. Finally, Sunday we will head home to Iowa and plan to stay home for the rest of the summer.

Wrapping Up our Amazing Camp Experience

2009-06-26T17:18:00.007-05:00

Seth has completed 4 of 5 days of mountain therapy at Adam's Camp. The staff has reported that he has had good or great days each day. Our reunion friends left camp yesterday morning and Bella and Luke were able to join the Sibling Camp mid-week. They have had a great time the past 2 days getting to know other kids with siblings with autism. Today Mike and I joined the kids at sib camp for a canoeing outing at the reservoir here at Snow Mountain Ranch. We enjoyed the time together. Sib camp lets out at 11:45am, which gives us time to spend with Bella and Luke before picking Seth up at 2:30pm.

We are finding this camp a wonderful adventure for the whole family which is truly a blessing. Not only is Seth receiving intensive therapy and having fun at the camp, the rest of the family is able to get some respite and have fun together also. Last night we joined 3 other families for dinner at the Breford's condo. It has been a joy to meet other parents and connect with them also. The Brefords are a couple we've connected with who share our faith and were so excited for us to get to experience Adam's Camp. They were also excited that we had an 11 year old daughter who has become fast friends with our 11 year old daughter (last night we enjoyed dinner at their condo, tonight we had dinner together at our condo and the girls enjoyed the Disney channel movie together and were plotting to have a sleepover).

Over the course of our stay here in the Winter Park area we have seen 5 rainbows. It has been an amazing testimony of God's love for us and his promises to us. The beauty of God's creation is so breathtaking in this part of the country that it makes me want to shout for joy at times. This week has truly been a week of refreshment for my soul even though my body is beyond weary from many late nights and nonstop activity. Getting to share this time with amazing friends old and new has been so uplifting. First with our precious reunion friends who have known us since we were newly, newly married and prayed and supported us through our unique journey of parenting and second with other families who are walking the journey with us - facing the tremendous challenges of parenting a kiddo with autism.

I have felt the goodness of God in an amazing way this week with all that has happened that He clearly orchestrated to bring us encouragement and hope. I know it has been a great benefit to our whole family. Today we were able to meet one on one with a family therapist as part of the Adam's camp program with expertise in dealing with behavior issues and talk through strategies to implement to reduce Seth's head banging and teeth grinding. She has a strong background in ABA therapy (the type of in-home therapy we've done for 5 years with Seth and was able to give us some fresh ideas for his programming along with confirming that what we are doing is spot on.) This was a good time to get a fresh set of eyes to look at our situation.

Tomorrow we finish up camp - there are closing ceremonies and a final parent conference with Seth's therapy team to hear in depth all he has done this week and recommendations for therapy goals and methods. Then we are off to Breckenridge - no not Utah anymore. We were able to exchange our week in Utah for a condo in Breckenridge - a unit that must have become a6vailable in the past couple weeks. We are relieved to not have such a long drive ahead of us since our stay here in Colorado was extended. The big kids were a bit bummed - but Mike and I are overjoyed to not have to drive an additional 18 hours with a fairly quick turn around. We are looking forward to having some much needed downtime after 7 exciting, action-packed, but tiring days .

Keep the Prayers Comin'

2009-06-23T02:02:00.002-05:00

It has been quite the day. We arrived in Colorado after spending 2 days with Mike's family in Nebraska and were getting settled into our cabin for our annual small group reunion when we had a major God thing happen in our lives. After travelling to North Carolina and doing the hyperbaric therapy with Seth I was wanting to really hit him hard with therapy this summer - but this didn't seem to be in the cards as we are down a therapist at home and then would be traveling for 2 weeks on vacation. So I pretty much just resigned myself to our summer schedule and thought that perhaps the break would do him good and we could really get back to more intensive therapies in July or August.

Well this afternoon God answered a prayer that I hadn't even prayed. When we were checking in at the YMCA of the Rockies - Snow Mountain Ranch near Winter Park I noticed a check-in table in the main registration building for Adam's Camp. Staff were wearing t-shirts and there were bags sitting on the table that said Adam's Camp - Realizing Potentials, Developing Strengths. I thought "hmmm" - that sounds like it might be a camp for kids with disabilities.

We were the first of our reunion group to arrive at the camp and were waiting for the rest to arrive so I had the time to ask what this was all about. I spoke with the gal at the table who I later learned was the director of Adam's Camp - and mom to Adam. She told me they had five week-long camps each summer for kids with disabilities and this week was one of their autism weeks. Throughout the week the children received 5 hours of intensive therapy daily from 5 interdisciplinary therapists. Along with interventions for the affected child there is sibling camp each morning and many fun family activities. The lady at the check-in table invited me to come check it out while we were here and see if this would be something we might be interested in for next summer.

About this time the rest of our reunion group arrived and we took off for our cabin. Mike and I told our friends about this neat camp that was going on, and Mike and I wondered if there was a chance they'd had a cancellation and maybe could work Seth in. Our friends encouraged us to go check it out. Mike headed back up to the registration building and spoke with the check-in lady again. When Mike asked if there was the possibility of Seth being involved in the camp her initial response was "no" - this camp usually fills up 9 months in advance and they have people on waiting lists. But she quickly realized that indeed there had been a cancellation and the families on the wait list had been unable to get to Colorado on short notice. They told us this was a first in the 20-year history of their camp. The director also said it seems it was meant to be!

So just about an hour and a half after arriving for our reunion we were attending an orientation meeting for Adam's camp. The other families we met are amazing, the staff is incredible (speech therapist, music therapist, occupational therapist, art therapist, special ed teacher), and the way that God opened this door is pretty cool! That we just happened to be at this camp for our reunion on the first day of Adam's camp is a God thing - a God incidence as I like to call them. The stories that parents are telling us about the gains that kids make during this week are pretty astounding.

I have seen some changes in Seth over the past couple weeks - the small, but observable gains I shared about in my previous post, and a growing awareness of the world and people around him. I have had the sense that we are on the verge of something and with the door that was opened for him to attend this camp I'm hopeful that this week of intensive therapy could be a stepping stone for further growth. So, Tuesday morning Seth will begin Adam's Camp. I am amazed at how God opened this door to provide Seth the intensive therapy I was feeling he needed.

So keep those prayers coming - God is at work. The past couple weeks have been a challenge - I have struggled to keep the hope alive. This opportunity gives me the courage to continue to hope - God is obviously looking out for us and working in an amazing way to guide us to programs that can help Seth. We will probably now be in Colorado through Saturday to finish out the camp and then head onto Utah a bit late - but that's okay as this seems to be where God wants us to be for Seth.

Small But Observable Gains

2009-06-18T15:32:00.003-05:00

We have now been home for 2 weeks and are gearing up for our next trip - a family vacation to Nebraska, Colorado and Utah. We are looking forward to some quantity and quality time together as a family after way too much separation. After I was gone for about a month we were all at home for 1 week before Mike left on a week long business trip. He will return home in time to have about 12 short hours to repack and take off for the next trip.

This week we have begun to see some positive changes in Seth. He has shown some growth in his receptive language skills. We had been working in therapy on Seth's understanding of varied instructions (give me, touch the, show me). For over 6 months we have been working on this and he has struggled to process the entire sentence. We have been putting 8-10 picture cards in front of him and giving him various instructions to "give me the chair, touch the car, show me the airplane". He had been missing the first part of the sentence and only focusing on the last word. Since returning home from North Carolina he has shown understanding of the varied instructions - which is exciting. He is also continuing to use his index finger to point to a variety of items and has been having greater success in identifying body parts.

We are hopeful that he will continue to makes gains over the next few months. I recently heard from some other parents who had done hbot who said they saw the greatest changes 3 months after completing the treatments. Mike and I have begun talking about the possibility of doing more of these treatments if we continue to see some gains. The skills he gains will not be lost if we don't do more, but we could see further growth with more treatments. We are praying about if, when and where we might do more hbot. We are also hoping to get in with a new doctor in Chicago as the doctor we had been working with in Omaha moved to Colorado.

We feel a need to continue to pursue treatments for Seth to help him grow and mature with the hopes that we will be able to keep him in our home long-term and not have to place him in a group home due to safety concerns. This is the driving force behind pursuing various treatments at this point. Thanks to all for your continued prayers - we hope we will continue to have positive gains to report in the coming weeks. I will try to post while we are on our trip to let you know how he is doing.

Happily Home

2009-06-08T18:52:00.004-05:00

We are home in Iowa and happy to be getting settled in, although there are still several suitcases sitting upstairs waiting to be unpacked. Mike arrive safely in NC on Tuesday afternoon and we were all so happy to see each other. Seth seemed a little concerned - I think he was wondering where Bella and Luke were. Wednesday and Thursday we drove the 16 hours home to Iowa with a wonderful stop with friends who live near Indianapolis. We so enjoyed catching up with old friends and so appreciated their hospitality. Their boys were so excited to meet Seth and were wanting to learn sign language to communicate with him - it was very sweet.

Seth was very excited to see Bella & Luke and our house and they were very happy to see him too. Luke told me a few days before we returned that he was going to squeeze me with all his might when I got home and that he did - for 10 minutes or more. We enjoyed a couple days with Mike's parents, who had come out to stay with the big kids while Mike flew out to drive home with me. The timing worked out well as they were able to enjoy Bella's dance recital on Friday night before heading home. Saturday and Sunday were kind of forced rest days as Bella and I both had a stomach bug. It was good to rest in my own home - I was happy to at least have gotten home before getting sick. Seth has been a bit of a handful since we got home - hyper and getting into trouble. This afternoon he repeatedly opened the fridge and freezer doors and ran away laughing hysterically (not good for the energy bill).

We are still hoping to see some observable gains in the coming weeks and months. It is discouraging to think that we went through all this for nothing, but I am trying to keep the hope alive. I have been reminded several times since getting home that life is hard all over - we have family and friends who are going through some very challenging times in their lives with situations that are different but similar in that there seems little anyone can do to change the situation. I hold to the knowledge that God is in control, but there are days when I wish the fallen nature of this world didn't wreak such havoc on our lives. It is in these times that I cling to the hope we have in Christ's resurrection.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!
In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade -
kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded
by God's power until the coming of the salvation
that is ready to be revealed in the last time.
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while
you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials."
1 Peter 1:3-6

I am so thankful for the promise I have in God's Word that this life is not all that there is. There is an eternal life beyond the physical realm we are limited by here that will be so far beyond anything we can imagine. On the really tough days, when I don't know if I can make it through the coming hours this is the focus of my thoughts. A life beyond this one of suffering and great sorrow that will be all that God intended before the fall. A life of perfection where we will worship our Creator in complete holiness devoid of the sins and scars of this world. A life where we will be able to serve God completely with all we have without the restraints of our fleshly natures. I can only imagine, actually really I can't even imagine how wonderful it will be. I'm clinging to the wonder of the future promised us today.

5 and 5

2009-05-31T19:41:00.004-05:00

We have 5 more treatments to go here in North Carolina and in 5 days we'll be home in Iowa. Seth finished up the sound therapy portion of the treatments on Friday. I'm hoping that as we get further away from this therapy he will become less squealy. Since the beginning of week 2 of sound therapy he has been extremely loud in his shrieking. I'm hoping it's a sign that the therapy has had an impact on his brain and he's exploring sound anew - unfortunately that exploration is very hard on his mama's ears - hey Mike - pack the earplugs for the drive home!

Some other small changes I've seen this week include Seth learning to buckle his own seat belt and Seth pointing with his index finger. In the past he has always "pointed" with his ring finger and not really very purposefully. Yesterday during a dive he pointed with his index finger at a water bottle and then signed "drink". This morning as we were waking up he pointed at the window and then we played a game of pointing at different things in the bedroom. These are not the changes I'd hoped to see, but maybe they are the start of bigger things to come.

Today we had a full day of exploring North Carolina with good weather. We drove the Blue Ridge Parkway south from Boone and enjoyed the beautiful mountain views, drove over the portion of the parkway called the Linnville Viaduct, hiked up to Linnville Falls, then took a long drive south to Asheville and looped around back home through Boone. The miles and miles of majestic scenery is really amazing.

Seth was not happy with mom for making him hike the half mile up to look at Linnville Falls - (picture above). He did okay until we got right up by the falls - not sure if it was too for him or what. I can promise you though that Seth is feeling better after that hike than mom - boy howdy do my knees hurt - I'm getting so old.

Above is a picture of Grandfather Mountain - the 2 small peaks in the background. And see that little line between the peaks - that's a pedestrian bridge. We didn't brave this trek - even without Seth my fear of heights would not allow me to do this.

Just 2 more days and Mike will be here to wrap up this journey with me. I'm so thankful for a supportive husband, family and friends who have prayed us through this trip. I'm so looking forward to getting home and enjoyed a couple weeks of normalcy before we take off another trip - AHHH!!! We're headed out to Colorado for our summer reunion, then onto Utah for some family time together before spending the 4th of July weekend with extended family in Nebraska. Even though I'm sure I'll be sick of the driving I am looking forward to all the time together with my whole family.

So Happy to Be Almost Done

2009-05-27T09:08:00.004-05:00

We have 7 more days here in NC, 6 more days of treatments and I'm having flashbacks to emotions I felt at the end of my pregnancies. Many moms can probably remember those feelings - wanting to be done with this part of journey and ready to move onto the next part; feeling very uncomfortable (my current discomfort is more mental than physical), and wondering if life will ever feel "normal" again.

I am so ready to be done with the treatments - to get back home to my whole family and try to enjoy the rest of the summer. We still have yet to see any major or even minor improvements with Seth and I'm having a hard time keeping the hope alive at this point. My focus right now is more on just keeping my sanity for the remainder of our time here and getting home to my real life.

The first week of treatment Seth was very tired and consequently, calm after treatments each day. Week 2 his energy started to return and now in week 3 he's a wild man with a lot of energy and seemingly stuck on his vocal stimms (a sound that is what I would imagine a pterodactyl dinosaur making - a piercing shriek of a sound). This pattern of vocalization is particular hard to deal with in small living quarters when outside play is limited because of terrain and rain.

All the families seem to be experiencing similar stress and all are very eager to get this finished. The honeymoon, if there was one is definitely over. Last night while talking to Mike he was saying something about "if we ever do this again...." and I just winced at the thought. Many kids do benefit by repeat sessions, but I just can't go there right now.

My prayers over the last few days have been focused on perseverance. I am feeling worn down and lonely for my family and friends, although I am very thankful for the technologies that have helped me to stay connected while here - can't imagine the experience without that. I am so thankful for the many saints who are lifting me in prayer and know that God's answers to their prayers for strength and peace have carried me through this journey. I pray God will give you the perseverance to walk through whatever journey He has placed before you.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded
by such a great cloud of witnesses,
let us throw off everything that hinders
and the sin that so easily entangles,
and let us run with perseverance
the race marked out for us.
us fix our eyes on Jesus,
the author and perfecter of our faith.."

Hebrews 12:1-2a

Halfway

2009-05-21T13:56:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow morning will mark halfway through our treatment session here in North Carolina. I wish I could report that I'm seeing amazing changes in Seth already, but so far nothing major. He seems to be a bit more flexible in his play patterns and daily living and his receptive language seems to be growing stronger. As I continue to read and talk with the staff here I'm learning that we may see gains even 6 to 9 months after the treatments here. This therapy provides greater oxygen flow to the brain and enables the brain to build new neural pathways - but it can take time for the brain to learn to utilize those new pathways.

Being confined in a small space not only with Seth but with 2 other autistic boys and their parents for 4 hours a day is proving to be interesting. There are definitely strong opinions on how to treat kids with autism and unfortunately a lot of judgement by some parents toward others for not doing enough or not doing the right things. I am learning the importance of remembering that most of us are doing the very best we can as parents - whether we have kids with disabilities or not and that what works for one child doesn't always work for another. The last thing we need in the autism community is parents attacking other parents - we need to band together and support one another.

I continued to praise the Lord for the blessing of my roommate here at the center. Elena is an encouragement and joy to be around. Please pray for her also as she's been having high blood pressure and has not been able to go into the chamber with her son during treatments the last few days (fortunately he's high functioning enough he can go in alone). Tonight we are looking forward to enjoying a wonderful Cuban meal that Elena made for all the families.

As we reach the halfway point I am trying to keep the hope alive. I am feeling a bit discouraged by the lack of observable gains, by the interpersonal tension with some of the parents here, and generally fatigued by all the travel and being away from home. I resolve to continue to place my hope and trust in the Lord.

"I call on you, O God, for you will answer me;
give ear to me and hear my prayer.
Show the wonder of your great love,
you who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes.
Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings."
Psalm 17:6-8

May God Bless You All!!

A Day of Sightseeing

2009-05-18T14:21:00.011-05:00

On Sunday Seth and I went on an exploration together around northwest North Carolina. On our drive to Boone we saw some beautiful countryside including this barn and church.

We visited the Mast General Store in Valle Crucis - right outside Boone. This is the original store - there are now 10 or 15 locations in North Carolina and Tennessee. This store opened in 1874.

On the back porch entrance of the Mast Store there was a group of musicians picking bluegrass music. We enjoyed listening to the music.
Here's the view of the store from the back, where there is additional parking and a beautiful view of the valley the store is located in.
Seth was so excited to see the MANY candy barrels in the store and went around and picked out the candies that he knew he could eat.
The store had a wonderful selection of toys both new and old - Seth found a bus and sports car that he really liked and we found some surprises for Bella and Luke too!

At the end of our outing we drove along the Blue Ridge Parkway for a little while. Unfortunately it was rainy, cloudy, and cold. We'll have to take another drive on another day when the weather is nicer.

Restoration

2009-05-15T13:40:00.004-05:00

Restored - Cheri Keaggy

I've been living against the grindstone
Where nothing is sure but the Lord
For He gives me the treasures of darkness
Where faith's greatest riches are stored
And in ways that are quite unexpected
I have learned a most humbling truth
That a faith that has never been tested
Is just growth that is long overdue.

So I'm practicing joy, choosing it daily,
putting it on like a favorite cologne.
And when life breaks me down it won't even faze me.
Some call me crazy but I'm just in love with the Lord.
For He has been faithful, and not just to fill me
To take me to heights I have never explored.
If I'm never broken, how can I be restored?

So I'm trading these comfortable choices,
for living that's much more alive.
And the more that my spirit rejoices,
the more that I grow and I thrive.
If surrender is seen as a weakness,
then the lowliest beggar I'll be.
I'll embrace every struggle with meekness
cause I know that it is making me free.

Restore me, Lord and make me new again.
I want nothing more than to soar.

On my drive to North Carolina I came across this song. God has really been using it to minister to my soul and teach me. Ever since I arrived I've had this song running through my head. There are many truths found in this song that are striking me afresh as I've meditated on these lyrics.

There are great treasures to be found in the journeys of darkness in our lives if we will allow God to mold us and teach us through the process. I pray that my faith has been strengthened and will continue to grow through the trials in my life. I wish there were an easier way - that I could become the mature, godly woman desires me to be without struggles and sorrows, but it seems this is the way that God best shapes us into the person He knows we are capable of being.

In the midst of life's trials it is very easy to become overwhelmed and loose our joy if we are focused solely on our circumstances. But when I choose to focus on God's love, grace and mercy toward me I can choose joy - knowing that the trials we face are temporary in light of eternity and are meant to strengthen our faith.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
1 Peter 1:6-7

I am so thankful to know that the trials of life will only be with us for a little while. But our faith that is proved and strengthened through these trials will last forever - even longer than gold - all to the glory of God.

As I've gotten to know the other families here at the center I've been struck by how we are all seeking physical restoration for our children through hyperbaric and various others interventions. We are earnestly seeking this restoration. I too am pleading with the Lord for a restoration of Seth's physical health - mind and body. But God has also been speaking to my soul about the importance of continuing to seek soul restoration. I want to focus each day on growing in my spiritual health - my soul is eternal - praise the Lord we will all have new physical or heavenly bodies in heaven. I am so thankful that as a believer in Jesus Christ I can rest assured that I will see Seth's physical body restored in heaven even if I don't see the complete restoration here on earth.

So I continue to pray for restoration - for all the physical ailments of my son and the other children here at the center while I also focus on restoring my soul daily by spending time with the Lord in prayer and Bible study.

Treatment Tutorial

2009-05-14T14:10:00.009-05:00

Here's a photo of the hyperbaric chamber that we are "diving" in at Children's Hyperbaric Center in Creston, NC. Seth, since day 2, is excited to climb into the chamber. The ring he has around his neck is part of the hood he wears to deliver oxygen to him during the dive. Maximum capacity of the chamber is 8 people - 4 clients along with their 4 caregivers. Fortunately we only have 6 in our group for this session for we have a little more room to spread out - but just a little. If you're claustrophobic - you would not like this experience.

Once Seth is in the chamber he sits in a chair that swivels, which he finds entertaining. As you can see in the photo above, he's excited to be in the chamber.

Hunter, age 9, sits next to Seth during each treatment. They get along well next to each other. Seth is reaching out to touch a small tv screen that plays videos during our sessions. Hunter's dad and I try to work with the boys during the session on imitation and socialization skills. I sit on the floor in front of Seth during the treatment. The other child and his mom sit on the other end of the chamber, where I'm taking the picture from. Along with working with boys, the adults have been chatting quite a bit, getting to know one another and sharing all we've done with our boys. All 3 boys in my group have autism. The blue tubing on the right is hooked up to the oxygen valves. After we pressurize the chamber - which takes about 10 minutes we put on the hoods, hook up the oxygen tubing and turn on the oxygen. Then the boys breath 100% oxygen for an hour at 1.5 ATA.

Here's Seth with his hood on. Once we pressurize the blue tubes are hooked up to the bottom front of the the ring around his neck and the hood inflates a bit more fully. He tolerates the hood well, but still tries to bang his head a bit. So far the hood seems fairly resilient.

Hope these pics and explanation give you a better feel for what we are doing. Thanks again for all your prayers.

Montage in the Mountains

2009-05-13T14:01:00.014-05:00

This is the treatment center. Small, but set up very nicely. The staff has been wonderful with the kids - Seth seems to have taken a liking to James and Sharon especially.

Here's pic of our housing unit (yes it's a trailer circa 1974), but it's a roof over our heads and is right across the road from the treatment center. I was thrilled to see a washer and dryer in the unit - going to the laundromat would not have been much fun!!

Our front porch is a wonderful place to sit and enjoy the fresh mountain air and beautiful mountain views.

Seth's happy in most any environment if he has his legos - too bad we can't take them into the chamber!!

Hope you enjoyed this snapshots - I'll post more over the coming days!

Whirlwind Couple Days

2009-05-12T09:02:00.005-05:00

It has been a whirlwind couple of days since arriving at the treatment center. Monday morning we had our first dive and Seth did not do well. He was having pain in his left ear and was very scared by the hood he had to wear. He cried off and on through the entire hour and a half session and gooberd snot all over the inside of his hood - good thing they clean those and have individual hoods for each child. Alice, the treatment center director, took a closer look at his ears after the session and said his left ear was full of wax. She encouraged me to take him to an ENT and have it cleaned out. She made us the appointment and we went down to Boone (25 miles - but a 50 minute drive - love the beauty of the mountains - don't love the driving so much) and had a very nice doc clean out his ear.

This morning we got back in the chamber for our 2nd dive and had a completely different experience - in a positive way. Seth did not cry at all during the entire dive - he watched his favorite DVD - Math Circus, and sat peacefully for the duration of the hour and half treatment. PTL, PTL, PTL!!! Thanks to all for your prayers - God answered them in a big way today.

The Lord has been so sweet to me through this whole journey. He's brought parent after parent into my life through the Internet, through friends of friends, and now here at the center who are sharing their stories of hope and healing and coming alongside and encouraging me to stay the course and know that we will find the right treatments to bring Seth healing. Even though this journey with Seth has been long and hard - I have been so blessed to make so many new, dear friends who have ministered to my soul and encouraged me, along with the many old friends and family in my life who have been committed prayer warriors for our family. I could not have made it this far down this road without all of you - thank you is not nearly enough to say to express my gratitude to all these people and ultimately to the Lord for bringing them into my life.

During my many hours in the van on the drive down I had some wonderful times of prayer and worship where God ministered to my heart and again affirmed to me that I can dare to hope again. I am believing for a miracle in my little boy's life. That's such a scary thing, I am crying as I write this because I want to believe God is going to work through this intervention and yet there is a part of my soul that is so weary from the many times interventions have not showed any significant progress. But I have to believe that all we have done has brought underlying healing to Seth to prepare him for the next treatment and the next, to bring us to this point.

I've come to a realization through this particular course of treatment that I don't think I'll ever be able to say that I'm done with new treatments at least until I see some measure of healing in Seth's life. It's just part of who I am - I will always be looking for the next promising treatment that could help him - just as I am pursuing excellence and healing in the rest of my life, whether it be in how I feed my family, how I relate in relationships, how I carry out ministry, how I interact with residents at work, and the list goes on. God wired me to be always looking forward and striving for the best in life. At times I've viewed this wiring as a struggle with contentment, but God is teaching me to be content with where I'm at and yet pursue the next thing He places before me. I only pray to stay on the path that God has for me and not go off on my own side journeys.

"Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
Praise the Lord with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy...
the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in you."
Psalm 33:1-3, 18-22

Blessings to you all!!

We've Arrived!!

2009-05-10T20:22:00.004-05:00

We finished our journey to North Carolina today, arriving at the treatment center at about 5 pm. The trip out went very smoothly - thanks to all for your prayers. Seth did great in the van and adjusted to our numerous stops without major problems. It has been a lot of new places in a short amount of time for him. I expect that this first week may be the toughest with him as he processes all these changes.

We are in a rural mountain area. The drive to the treatment center today was beautiful with lush, green mountains, burbling streams with some mini rapids, and sections of roller-coast like roads. Bella & Luke would have really enjoyed those roller-coaster like road sections. The nearest grocery store is about 20 minutes away in West Jefferson, which is a smaller community. Boone is about 40 minutes away with more shopping choices including an organic foods grocery. Tonight I decided to stay put and get settled in our housing unit - we'll have to make a grocery run tomorrow. We stopped at Whole Foods (love that place) yesterday so we've got enough to get us through for a couple days.

Our housemates are Elena an JD, a mom and son who live in Maryville, TN. JD is 14 and fairly high-functioning with mainly social skills issues. He seems very sweet and his mom and I spent a couple hours already chatting and beginning to share our stories with each other. We are both chatty Kathys so I think we'll get along well.

The true adventure begins in the morning. Our first dive will be at about 7:30 am central time. I'm a bit nervous now that we're so close to beginning about how Seth will tolerate the treatments. But I am confident God has brought us this far and will carry us through the next step of this journey.

The Preparations are Almost Completed

2009-05-07T16:42:00.002-05:00

Most of the packing is done, apart from loading the van and one last trip to Wal-mart for a few last items needed. I'm sure there are many things I have not packed that I will wish I had, but it's just hard to know what all to bring for a month-long trip. I'm pretty convinced Seth does not have a clue of what is to come, but many are praying for us so I have a peace that things will go smoothly.

My excitement continues to grow as I hear from more and more people who have seen great results from this treatment. As many join us to pray for God's healing hand upon Seth during this intervention I am more hopeful than I have been in a long time. I am praying to experience the tree of life spoken of in Proverbs 13:12 - "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life."

Below is a list of specific prayer requests for our trip. Unfortunately I can't get the prayer card up on my blog - I will email it to the friends and family I have email addresses for. If you don't get one and would like me to email you one, please let me know.

Please pray for:

Travel mercies - Jenn & Seth will be traveling to and from NC on May 8th through the 10th and June 3rd and 4th.

Living Arrangement Transition - please pray that Seth will adjust to the new living quarters without major problems.

Treatment Toleration - please pray that Seth has no sinus or ear pain during pressurization and that he tolerates the hood (a clear large, clear bubble-like apparatus) that he will have to wear on his head during treatments.

Treatment Effectiveness - please pray Seth responds well to the treatment - pray God will work in a miraculous way!! The treatment session dates are May 11-June 2nd. He will receive treatments Mondays through Saturdays - Sunday is our only day off.

Thanks to all for your prayers and support. Next time you'll hear from us,we'll be in NC!!

An Interesting Week

2009-05-04T11:35:00.004-05:00

It's going to be an interesting week leading up to our departure. The H1N1 flu has our country and our community in quite a craze. Marshalltown schools have closed for the week due to the flu scare. I'm not sure there have been any confirmed cases in our community yet - just 5 or 6 suspected cases. According to the CDC website as of 11 am EST this morning there is only 1 confirmed case in the state of Iowa and that case in the southern part of the state. I guess better safe than sorry.

Reports from health officials indicate that this "outbreak" is not showing itself to be as severe as they had initially thought it would be. Now they are saying that it will not be worse than the "normal" seasonal flu. I'm hoping it's mainly media hype. It's definitely interesting living in a community that is being affected by this.

Seth woke up with a fever this morning which is not a real comforting experience with all the talk about the flu outbreak. But it's not a high-grade fever and he doesn't have any of the other symptoms of the H1N1 flu, so I'm thinking he's just fighting a little bug. He laid on the couch for the first 3 hours after he got up, but is now up and playing in the family room. We'll be praying that he gets over whatever he's got quickly and is healthy for our trip.

Yesterday we were blessed by an outpouring of support from our church family. We shared with our congregation about the trip and asked them to join us in praying for a miracle in Seth's life through this treatment. We are so thankful for Christian family and friends who are joining us in our prayers for Seth. The family of God is such a tremendous blessing!

Here's praying for less excitement as the week progresses!

One Week and Counting

2009-05-01T13:53:00.003-05:00

We leave for the big trip one week from today. I've started packing a few things, marked some of the things off my to-do list and added more things to all of my lists. I've been talking with the friends we're stopping to stay with and am excited to see some old friends along the way. It's such a blessing to have places to stay and generous friends who are willing to host us. The list of things remaining to get done is still long, but I'm feeling like it's more manageable as I begin working on it little by little.

Some friends have been shocked to find out that we are driving such a distance. There are several reasons for this decision. Seth has never flown and I didn't feel like taking on this first alone. Seth rides well in the van and with the entertainment system in the newer van we got last summer I think he'll deal with the trip very well. The treatment center is in a rural area and we will need a vehicle while we are there - renting a vehicle for 3 + weeks would be very costly. And with the generous friends mentioned above we won't have to drive longer than 8 hours in any day.

I'm still working on the prayer card I mentioned a while back and will post that over the weekend. Thanks to all for your support and prayers through this journey! Have a wonderful weekend - I'm going to enjoy my final weekend with the whole family and maybe even squeeze in a date with my hubby!

Getting Overwhelmed - 9 Days until Departure

2009-04-29T09:24:00.002-05:00

The lists are growing longer and longer. I have a list of things I need to get done before I leave, a list of things I need to pack, a list of therapy and homeschooling activities to do on the trip. Lists, lists, lists. I'm starting to feel more than a little overwhelmed by all I need to get done before I leave. I'm sure there are many things I have left off the lists too - aaahhh!! "Do the next thing" is the phrase that keeps coming to mind. One thing at a time and it will all get done, or all that has to get done will get done. Some things on my lists may not get accomplished like making freezer meals for Mike to help him feed the kids while I'm gone - sorry Mike! Many from church have so generously offered to help while I'm gone, which I know will be a tremendous blessing to our family.

Mike's biggest challenge while I'm gone will be getting Bella ready for dance pictures - which of course are the day after I leave - couldn't have been the day before I leave :( I think he'll need help with hair and makeup - it stresses me out getting her ready for pictures. I know that it will all happen - people will help out and she'll have her pictures taken. I know that overall Mike will do a great job while I'm gone. I'm sure there are many times when we'll miss each other and that we both will have a new appreciation for all the other does in the life of our family. I will miss his regular help with Seth, how he is always there to jump in when there's a meltdown to help stabilize the situation. I will miss watching the sweet moments between Seth and his dad and siblings that take place on a daily basis.

We continue to pray that this time apart and the many sacrifices required to make this happen will result in much progress and growth in Seth's life. Lord - please bring healing to our little boy!

Expecting a Miracle

2009-04-27T11:56:00.007-05:00

God continually amazes me. This weekend the message my pastor preached seemed to be tailor-made for me. I'm sure it spoke to many people in our congregation, but I was so touched by how specifically it ministered to my heart in the midst of my life at this time. Our pastor has been preaching a series on the heroes of faith from Hebrews 11. This week we looked at the story of Jericho and the life of Rahab who is listed among the heroes of faith in Hebrews.

Jericho was an extremely well fortified city. The walls of this seemingly impenetrable city were wide and high and the army guarding this city well trained and with many weapons. Jericho stood on the top of a hill which added to the difficulty of 'stormin' this particular castle'. As I listened to this description of Jericho I thought of the seemingly impenetrable walls of autism that seem so wide and so high in my life. I thought of all we have done to try to break down those walls with little success to date.

The method by which God instructed the Israelites to overtake the city was more than a little unorthodox for the time. Marching around the city 13 times over 7 days, shouting and blowing horns were not standard tactics of battle. In many ways the tactics we have approached our battle with autism have not been the standard tactics either. We have fought for educational interventions that are considered extreme by professionals in our state. We have employed biomedical interventions that are very much outside of the mainstream. And our next leg of the journey may be the most unorthodox and radical of all - leaving my home and rest of my family to go and have hyperbaric oxygen therapy. To many I may seem like a complete lunatic in relation to all I have done to help Seth. But I pray I am only following the direction God has given me. All along the way I have asked the Lord to guide my steps and show me what direction to take next. It's nice to know that God has some unorthodox, peculiar plans as is evidenced by His instructions to the Israelites on how overtake Jericho.

As our pastor continued he said, "God specializes in the miraculous!!" I felt the emotion welling up in me and had to hold back tears as our pastor went on. He challenged us to expect God to move miraculously whatever formidable walls of Jericho we are facing in our lives. And then he honestly admitted that sometimes he questions whether he has the faith to believe for miracles. I too question whether I have that kind of faith. I hesitate to ask for the miraculous for fear of the disappointment that comes when God doesn't answer my prayers in the way I had hoped. And yet I know that He will answer and work out His perfect plan in my life. A plan that will be better than the one I could have dreamed up.

In the midst of expecting miracles, he challenged us to first and foremost seek the presence of God in our lives. I have felt such a heavy burden over the past few weeks to seek God and to surround this trip and intervention with Seth in prayer. Even more than a miracle in my son's life I want God's evident presence in the midst of my days. And yet even today as I continue to seek God's presence He brought me a story of a friend of a friend whose son has made great progress after doing hyperbaric oxygen therapy. I earnestly hope God is affirming the path He has put me on and I pray He is preparing me for a miracle in my son's life. I will be careful to give Him the glory no matter what.

Stories of Hope

2009-04-24T09:01:00.005-05:00

I have been blessed to come across many stories over the past couple weeks of kiddos who have responded very favorably to hyperbaric therapy. Just this week I found out about a family right here in central Iowa who just returned from a hyperbaric session and have seen very positive changes in their autistic son. Many of the stories I've come across seem to follow a similar theme. After receiving the autism diagnosis parents pursue numerous intensive treatments and see some gains, but nothing major. Then after hyperbaric they finally see the major changes they have been hoping for. It seems that the hyperbaric oxygen therapy even helps to maximize the effectiveness of other therapies that children were already receiving. And from the stories I've read the gains received from hyperbaric oxygen therapy are maintained over the long haul.

One parent I have emailed with sent me these links to videos on you-tube of their son and before and after video. I was especially intrigued by this child because in his before video he shows some similarities to Seth. The changes are dramatic. Take a look!!
Ian before hbot - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2h2SLojCr1c&feature=related.
Ian after hbot - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDb_CIRg5CU&feature=related.
Obviously this is just one kiddo and his individual response. But it's exciting to see what the possibilities are.

I am working on a prayer card for Seth that I will post here soon with specific prayer requests for the trip. I will continue to post updated requests as time goes by. I have felt impressed by the Lord to ask for a concerted prayer effort on Seth's behalf for this treatment. I believe that Seth will benefit most from this treatment along with focused prayer on his behalf. God is the ultimate healer and I ask that you join us in praying for God's healing hand on Seth through this time. Our departure date is 2 weeks from today and preparations are coming together for the trip. Thank you for your support and prayers!

Praying for Peace & Joy

2009-04-21T10:36:00.005-05:00

As we continue to make the physical preparations for our trip I have been grappling with some spiritual and emotional preparations as well. Although I believe this treatment to be effective and know that it has helped many people, I have been guarding my own emotions. I don't want to get my hopes up too much and then have to deal with the crash if we don't see progress. But when I peel back those protective layers of my heart I am hoping for great progress, even a miracle in my little boy's life.

As I was studying the Bible this morning I was reading the story of Hannah in the first part of the book of 1 Samuel. Hannah was a barren woman living in a time when women who could not have children were considered failures. This was a great burden on her. In 1 Samuel 1:10 it says she was greatly distressed and cried out to the Lord and wept bitterly. Many of us have areas in our lives that feel barren - areas that we cry out to God about and weep over. I have felt much barrenness in the area of bringing healing to Seth and have often felt like a failure when our best efforts and fervent prayers have yielded little success.

As I continued to look at the life of Hannah I saw how her barrenness had brought great sorrow to her life. In the midst of a great sorrow like Hannah's it's easy for bitterness to take root. It's easy to ask "why me?" Why do I have to carry this burden? Lord, why does not seem you are listening to my cries? Why are others seeing blessing in this very area, but we see none? It's easy to get so wrapped up in the problem that you see very little else. Ultimately Hannah did what we all need to do with these great burdens. Hannah laid them at Lord's feet. She expressed her deepest longing and her pain and then she allowed the peace and joy of God to fill her. She embraced that peace and joy even before she received the answer to her prayers.

This is where I find myself today. Falling at the feet of the Lord - praying for a miracle, and then praying to receive peace and joy that can only come from the Lord - no matter what the outcome may be.

Beginning Trip Preparations

2009-04-16T14:52:00.004-05:00

Earlier this week we received confirmation that Seth has a spot in the May session at the treatment center in North Carolina. So I am beginning to make plans to be gone for almost a month. It's a little overwhelming to think of all I need to do before I leave to make sure things go smoothly here and all that I need to pack to prepare Seth and I to be gone for a month. Fortunately my hubby is a total prince who can pretty much handle the homefront. He can manage a number of easy meals - although the older kids have already commented that they are excited to get to eat "junk" food more often. I may have to ban frozen pizza and hotdogs for a couple months after I get back just to try to offset any negative health consequences :) Mike already does most of the laundry for our family so he should be able to keep them all clothed and fed. If the house is less than clean while I'm gone - it really won't be anything out of the ordinary!

I'm making lists of things to get done before I leave and things to pack. One of the biggest challenges is finding 100% cotton clothing that does not have zippers or velcro. This is the clothing requirement for us while in the hyperbaric chamber. Shirts are fairly easy - t-shirts will do the trick. Pants are another story. I've already spent several hours looking at Goodwill and on E-bay for such clothing. I've found a few things cheap, but it's going to be a challenge. I'm also trying to start making mental notes of how much food Seth goes through each week as I don't know that we will have access to a store that stocks Seth-safe foods while we are there. There is a Whole Foods about 2 hours away if I can't find anything closer we may be taking road trips on Sundays when Seth does not have treatments.

Some friends offered to loan me a laptop, which will be a huge blessing. It will be great to be able to use Skype to talk with family and friends and keep in touch with friends through Facebook and email. And I plan to blog on a regular basis - hopefully with amazing stories of the progress Seth is making. Another friend loaned me her french press to keep me set on good coffee - I had seriously considered taking my 12-cup coffee maker along to ensure I have good coffee during our stay - I am serious about my coffee! I'll be buying several bags of coffee beans from the local roaster I love to take along.

I've been trying to figure out if there is some way to prepare Seth for the trip. But I'm not sure how to really go about that. Fortunately he does very well in the car, so that part of the journey will be okay. Once we arrive in North Carolina I think it will only take him a day or two to settle in, as long a we have his favorite things along. I do think he will miss his siblings the most. He has started to play more with them over the past 6 months and I think he will miss having them around.

The preparations have just begun!!

A Good Report

2009-04-14T10:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I took Luke to Iowa City for his annual cochlear implant check-up. It has now been 8 years since Luke received his cochlear implant and he continues to make gains and show improvements. Over the past few years Luke has began to look forward to his annual visits to Iowa City. He enjoys getting to see the staff and is excited to take the tests and eat in the fun cafeteria where he can choose whatever he wants to eat for lunch. Yesterday he informed the audiologist he was working with in the morning that he likes a challenge when taking sound recognition tests. He improved on his scores from last year - something that is a little out of the ordinary this long after implantation. The audiologist said many kids have plateaued at this point so we were excited to see continued growth. Luke also scored very well on a number of problem solving tests - it was fun to watch the "gears" of his brain work. Throughout the day Luke was his typical jovial self and inspired many laughs among the staff as they worked with him. His exuberant personality brings life and joy to those around him - what a blessing.

In talking with one of the audiologist I learned that bilateral implantation (both ears), is now pretty much the standard for young children that are implanted. Some children that received one implant as toddlers are now having their 2nd ear implants also and see gains in listening in loud environments and greater ability to localize sound. Mike and I have been hesitant to pursue this for a number of reasons to this point - Mike thinks that further advances may come in Luke's lifetime that would be of greater benefit than the cochlear implant, we have been a bit leery of putting him through another surgery when he's doing so well already and Seth's struggle with autism has taken more of our focus over the last 5 years. But I had to ask myself on the drive home yesterday if we are shortchanging Luke in any way by not pursuing this opportunity. It is something Mike and I want to pray and talk about further.

But overall we are so pleased with how well Luke has utilized his cochlear implant. He now takes responsibility and great care of his device. The first thing he grabs in the morning is his CI - he wants to hear all that's going on in the world around him - he doesn't want to miss a thing. When the batteries die he now goes the cupboard with the batteries and changes them on his own. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that he's this grown up. He continues to excel in school. He truly loves to learn and functions beautifully in a gen ed classroom with some minimal supports. We have been blessed by the many caring teachers and special educators at his school who have been a great support and encouragement to him in his school experience. At home he is a typical, high-energy boy who loves to play soccer, ride his bike and skateboard, play x-box, and pick on his sister. I am so thankful for the opportunity the CI has given him to be a part of the hearing world. Praise the Lord for modern technology!!

New Leg of the Journey

2009-04-11T14:43:00.003-05:00

It's hard to believe that it's almost the middle of April. We are slowly seeing signs of spring here in Iowa, although the weather has been colder than normal for this time of year. It's been a long and at times challenging winter. We continue on the journey of seeking healing for Seth, a journey that has seemed to be moving at a snail's pace. We continue with many educational and medical interventions but the progress is very slow. Over the past few weeks God has opened the doors to a new treatment for Seth. On May 8th Seth and I will be leaving on a treatment adventure to North Carolina. After stopping and staying with two friends along the way we will arrive at the treatment center on Sunday, May 10th and start treatment on May 11th. Seth will be receiving hyperbaric oxygen therapy along with auditory integration therapy and a specialized physical therapy treatment.

Recent studies have shown promising outcomes for children with autism with the use of hyperbaric oxygen therapy through increasing blood flow to areas of the brain, decreasing inflammation in the body, and aiding in detoxifying the body. We are hopeful this will be a treatment that will bring Seth further healing. I approach this new leg of the journey with mixed feelings. I have a hard time remembering my life before this journey began. We have already completed many legs of the journey as we have pursued various interventions including educational, nutritional, and a variety of biomedical therapies. I had hoped that a leg of this duration and length would not have been necessary. I had hoped that the previous legs of the journey would have brought greater healing to our precious boy. I had even said at one point that the last leg of our journey would be the end. But the progress that we'd hoped for has not been seen and so I push on to find new treatments that might help our boy.

I don't know where this journey will next lead us or when or if the journey will ever come to end. I only know that I don't feel at peace with ending the journey yet. Stay tuned for more posts about our preparations for the trip and updates on Seth's progress throughout the treatment session.

Glimpses of Hope

2008-11-27T23:21:00.000-06:00

I continue to struggle with being consistent with this blogging thing, but I'll make an attempt to get back on the bandwagon. Since my last post their have been glimpses of hope and moments of despair. Since sharing about my need for hope I met another warrior autism mom who has see her child "recover" from the debilitating challenges of autism. It was a great encouragement for me to get to know this mom a bit and meet a "recovered" child. I've read stories and seen online testimonials about "recovered" kids, but had never met one in person. In sharing my excitement about meeting this mom and child with a family member I learned that my aunt was praying specifically that I would have the courage to hope again that Seth could improve. This was a very touching and insightful prayer request for me.

We have started yet more new biomedical treatments with Seth and finally think we are seeing some small changes for the better. We have had comments from family and friends that they think they are seeing changes also. This will be a long journey, but we pray that all that we are pursuing will lead to improvements in Seth's life and consequently ours. Yet in the midst of all this the day to day still has been getting me down a lot lately. I've been feeling a lack of joy in the day to day things that usually bring me joy. I've been routinely at my wits end with my family and often have felt like a failure as a wife and mom.

I wish that I could be a steadier person, one who did not have such ups and downs. Yet recently my best friends told me that from some conversations she's had with other women lately, she thinks we are very balanced, level women. If I'm balanced and level and like to see what a person with a lot of ups and downs is like. I want to stay consistently in a place of peace and trust - knowing and believing from the bottom of my heart that He is working all things for good in my life. But I doubt, I question, I routinely whine and complain that "life is not fair!" Yes Dad - I still at my core think that life should be fair, even though I know for a fact that it is far from fair. And I realize that there are many out there with much bigger problems than mine. Right now a dear friend is battling the final stages of lung cancer - that's not fair!!!

I yearn for Christ's return and His reign upon the earth, when all will be set right and we will live in a state of complete justice. I am so thankful for the hope I have in this reality yet to come. I cannot imagine walking the journey I've been asked to walk or watching other walk difficult journeys without the hope of something far, far better beyond this life. And I'm so thankful that by the grace of God, not anything I've done I have assurance of that blessed eternal life. So I guess I'm learning to cope with what I have before me by focusing on the glories and blessings of the life eternal that I have been promised. I praise the Lord for this hope!!

In Need of Hope

2008-09-04T16:20:00.000-05:00

Once again it's been awhile since I've posted. Honestly the past month or so has been a difficult one. I've been feeling low on hope. The demands of day to day life, the struggles of family and friends, the dark world that surrounds us has simply got me in a funk. Lately I've often thought of the first section of Proverbs 13:12 which says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". The rest of this verse says "but desire fulfilled is a tree of life." My life over the past few years seems to be characterized by the first part of this verse much more than the second.

My heart tells me that life as it is, is not as it should be. I have many desires that go unfulfilled and perhaps always will. I recently went through a study of Revelation by Anne Graham Lotz. In this study she focused on the hope we can have in knowing Christ. But much of this hope in my estimation, is hope we have in the future not necessarily hope that we will see in this life. I am so thankful for the hope of heaven I have as a believer in Christ, but often I become weary of holding onto hope.

I don't have a quick, pat answer to raise my spirits in this time. I continue to walk by faith - knowing from past experience that God is still with me, and looking to His word for encouragement. But as I reflect on my reactions to similar periods of time in my past I am encouraged. I feel I have grown over the past 10 years - I continue to walk with God now even when I don't always see His hand. In the past I have become extremely depressed and turned away from God at times like this. Now I feel the prompting to just keep on keeping on, trying to remember that the problems of this world are very temporary in light of eternity.

Seeking the Best Options

2008-07-25T07:41:00.001-05:00

As we near fall and the beginning of another school year I am contemplating the best schooling options for our children. We've settled on the plan for the 2008-2009 school year, but I am looking toward the future with questions. Bella & Luke will return to GMG - a small district northeast of Marshalltown they have been attending for the past 4 years. And we will continue to home school Seth along with his in-home ABA therapy and private speech and occupational therapy. These are the best options available for our kiddos here in Marshalltown. But at times I am frustrated by the lack of options, especially for Seth. The closest autism specific school is over an hour away and as I talk with parents around the state, most are dissatisfied with the programming their children with autism are receiving from their respective public school systems and yet really don't feel they have any other options. Unfortunately this is the nature of the beast when you live in a largely rural state.

Mike & I have been talking about our plans for the future in regards to schooling options, particularly for Seth. While we are very invested in the community we live in, Mike loves his job, we love our church and friends here; moving may be a necessity to provide Seth with a better educational placement. I would love to think that I can home school him long term, but in all honesty I don't know that this is the best option for him, me, or our family at large. As he has grown and started exhibiting problem behaviors, working with him throughout the day has begun to often bring me to the point of exhaustion by dinner time, leaving me with very little physical or emotional energy to give to my other children.

In addition to this contemplation over the past few week I was recently outraged by comments made by a national radio host. Last week Michael Savage made some completely ignorant comments on his program about autism. He stated his belief that the rise in autism is not a true increase, but instead basically a parenting issue - parents not disciplining their kids or teaching them how to act appropriately. He spewed a slew of nasty names to describe children with autism and claimed parents are seeking the label just to get government assistance. This type of completely idiotic thinking exhibits Savage's complete and utter lack of knowledge or compassion about autism. Having had 2 children before my child affected by autism who do obey and behave in general, his line reasoning falls apart in our particular situation. I have no idea what would prompt someone to spew such hurtful garbage at other human beings with so little understanding of the vast struggles that autism presents to children and families.

With all that many in the autism community have been doing to educate people about autism and bring greater awareness and acceptance to this illness, it is a crying shame to see someone take us in the wrong direction with such ignorant, hurtful ideas transmitted across national radio waves. Many are calling for Savage's firing over these statements and many stations are taking action to remove him from their programming. I applaud these stations! These statements do nothing to help make the way for better treatment and education for children with autism which is so greatly needed. Families in our nation affected by autism need the support and compassion of those around us, not judgement. So as I'm contemplating schooling options or the lack thereof for my son, this idiot is spewing his hateful and harmful thoughts to our entire nation, potentially affecting the thinking of individuals who will vote on funding issues for education who might think that if autism is just due to bad parenting we certainly should not commit more tax dollars to education to provide for the needs of these children. This is a dangerous line of thinking to plant in people's minds when these children have very real needs - often physical and neurological needs that take a great deal of time, attention, and money to address.

If you are a Savage listener I would challenge you to let him know your thoughts on his recent statements and if your not - make a point of turning him off if you come across his program. I wasn't a listener and now will make sure to never become one. Then continue to do your part to educate those in your world about the disease of autism and the real challenges that children and families face. Autism has been the single greatest challenge to my parenting, but I'd like to believe it has made me a better parent than I'd ever have been without it.

I'm back!

2008-07-09T15:58:00.001-05:00

I can't believe it's been almost a month and a half since I last posted. The month of June was extraordinarily busy. It began with a big weekend of dance recitals and a visit from Grandma & Grandpa. Isabella did a wonderful job at the recitals and Luke decided after attending for the first time that maybe he'd like to take dance also. We're thinking soccer would be a better way to burn off some energy for him, but we'll see.

Following the recital weekend I was excited to watch for news on the "Green our Vaccines" rally which was held on June 4th in DC. Over 8000 people attended the rally and march. Numerous people spoke at the rally which was held on the capitol lawn including Jenny McCarthy, Jim Carrey, Boyd Haley (my favorite chemist - professor at University of Kentucky), Carolyn Mahoney (rep. from NY who has sponsored various legislation in our favor), and many more. It was a touching event that I wish I could have attended. I'm just so thankful that they word is getting out there about the risks of vaccines and the need to slow down the schedule and clean out the toxins. If you'd like to learn more about the "Green our Vaccines" rally, you can watch video at http://www.autismone.org/radio/video/greenrally.cfm or read about the event at http://www.talkaboutcuringautism.org/index.htm (scroll down about halfway down this webpage to find info about the event).

Mid-month we took a trip to Nebraska to visit family and then left the kiddos with my parents to get away as a couple to a conference in Las Vegas. Mike had a big AV conference there and I tagged along. It was great to get away and seeing Las Vegas for the first time was quite impressive. We got home from this trip and had 2 days to get ready for Vacation Bible School. We had about 100 children attend through the week and had a great, but exhausting time. Then the day after VBS wrapped up we left for a week-long trip to Tennessee. We met up with old college friends for an annual reunion near the home of one of the families. On the way home from Tennessee we stopped to visit friends in northern Indiana and had a wonderful visit including the chance to take the train into downtown Chicago and experience the big city with our big kids (Seth stayed back at our friends house with my girlfriend who generously offered to stay back with him).

We survived the month. Overall it was a good month, but much busier than I'd really like to be. But through all the craziness I was blessed to see God's hand in various situations. I was so thankful for the opportunity to get away with my husband and relieved that Seth did well staying with Nana & Papa. Even though it was taxing on the leaders of VBS to have such a large turn out at VBS, it was also a huge blessing to see so many kids so excited to learn about Jesus. At least 8 children made first time decisions to ask Jesus into their hearts. On our trip to Tennesse we were blessed time and again with affirming and encouraging words from our old friends and the staff at the camp we stayed at. Finally on our stop in Indiana, we were touched by our friends willingness to stay back with Seth so the rest of our family could take in the city.

This week we have an autism awareness booth at our county fair and hope that word of our support group will spread through this event along with educating more people about autism. As I write this I'm reflecting on a day where autism had a really ugly impact on my son. He had a really rough day yesterday and was insistent on getting what he wanted at all costs, including inflicting harm on himself, others and our home. 'No' and 'wait' are concepts he seems unable to accept even though we've worked for years on helping him to understand and deal with these words. Days like yesterday are the days that make me really angry at this disorder for what it's doing to my son as he went to bed with a fresh bruise on his forehead from banging his head and I have a fresh bruise brewing on my arm from him banging his head on me. The impact of this disorder on children and their families is huge. My prayer is that progress will be made soon in discovering the cause and helpful therapies for autism.

"Green our Vaccines" Rally Contemplations

2008-06-01T00:35:00.000-05:00

Exciting happenings continue in the world of autism/vaccine awareness. Next Wednesday there will be rally in Washington D.C. led by Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey with the purpose of bringing light to issues of vaccine safety. Jenny McCarthy has been outspoken about her son's descent into autism after vaccination and her serious concerns about the aggressive vaccine schedule in our nation. Jenny & I are probably as unlikely allies as you could imagine, but I am inspired by her tenacity and grateful she is using the national platform she has to speak to this issue. The purpose of this event is to encourage national health agencies to remove toxins from our children's vaccines and reassess the mandatory vaccine schedule, as our children are receiving TOO MANY, TOO SOON. For more info about the rally you can visit http://www.tacanow.org/.

Some in the autism community are concerned that this is not far enough, that supporting vaccination in any way will not bring about the change that is needed. Major changes are definitely needed in the area of the vaccinations in our country. I don't know exactly what the best route to those changes is, but I am excited about the national media attention this issue is receiving and the awareness that is rising in our country about vaccine safety or the lack thereof.

Many friends of mine are asking me more and more questions about vaccines They ask what vaccines are truly necessary - not many in my opinion. They ask what the negative health consequences of vaccines could be beyond autism - asthma, cancer, diabetes, arthritis, and much more. They ask what type of vaccination schedule I would use if I had another child - in all honesty I probably will not vaccinate any of my children further (those I have now, or those God may bless us with in the future). But ultimately, as I told a friend tonight over dinner, no matter what direction you decide to go, God is ultimately in control. A dear friend reminds me of this when I get a little too fired up about vaccination issues. Life is risky. Vaccinating definitely has it's risks, but not vaccinating also has it's risks. Whatever we decide to do, we have to trust that God is in control, even if our choices lead to negative health consequences in our families lives. Now that's a tough one.

If I take that line of thinking to the end I have to accept that God knew completely what was going to happen and allowed Seth to get autism. I have to accept that this is part of God's plan for my life and for Seth's. That's really hard. I can see the ways Mike & I have grown over the past 6 years. I can see value in the people I've met along the way; inspiring people, loving people, helpful people, hurting people. But the hard thing to accept is the pain and frustration that my precious boy experiences each day as a result of autism. I would give anything to take that away for him - to give him a "normal" life with "normal" struggles that don't include frustration levels that lead him to bang his head many, many times throughout each day, grind his teeth down to nubs, and lash out physically at those around him. This is the ugly side of autism that I wish I could spare my boy from. It is in these struggles that I ask God why He allowed this, but ultimately realize I will never fully understand this side of heaven.

So I continue in my mission to help my baby through healing the damage that has been done to his little body through vaccines, allergies, environmental toxins and more. And I continue to speak out to anyone who is willing to listen about the dangers of vaccines and other environmental toxins because I would not wish the pain of autism upon my worst enemy. But most of all I pray for God's hand of healing on behalf of my boy. As in all trials in life, we need a movement of God's hand more than anything else.

The Journey of Marriage

2008-05-22T08:53:00.000-05:00

Mike & I celebrated our 14th anniversary yesterday. Mike grilled steaks and made rice and roasted asparagus for us for dinner as I didn't get back from Ames until 6:30 - another autism therapy appointment - a constant in our lives. I was very impressed with this "gourmet" meal - and Mike was impressed with himself that he carried it off. Mike also was sweet to stop and pick up a pot of daisies at the store on the way home. The past 14 years have a certainly been much different than what we'd expected and yet here we are, still together, happy most days, and committed to staying together over the long-term - no matter what new challenge may present itself.

Early in our marriage we started saying something that has become a running joke - "we may grow old together old and miserable, but divorce is not an option". I think this has been a good mindset for us, albeit a little glum. We're hoping for old, happy and lovin' life - but we'll see. Regardless, we are committed to doing life together. In a culture where the divorce rate is at or above 50% (80% for families with kiddos with disabilities), I praise God for carrying us through. It is by His grace that we can continue to love each other and most days enjoy our life together.

There are definitely days when we drive each other crazy - me driving him crazy with my cooking, putting onions and garlic in way too many foods for his taste, and him driving me crazy by generally eating like a 3rd grader (Mike willing admits this). He's an engineer, and I'm a musician. We approach life with very different perspectives and yet I see how God has placed us together to bring balance to both of our lives and to make a great team to raise our 3 beautiful children.

Aside for the tension that is inevitable when people share their lives, I feel so blessed to be sharing my life with a wonderful Christian man who loves me and our kids and shows that love through his incredible servant-leadership in our home. He is a tremendous blessing in my life and is always ready to do what needs to be done. A couple years ago while I was struggling with severe back pain due to several bulging discs, he told me I was no longer allowed to do the laundry as this was something that always did my back in. And he's been the main laundry man in our house ever since. This is just one example of the servant heart he has.

Our marriage is far from perfect, but by the grace of God we've found a way to do life together in the midst of life's challenges with joy, laughter, and endurance. Endurance is probably #1 characteristic needed in any marriage and in life in general to walk the road God places before us and do so with the joy of the Lord. I continue to pray that God, by His grace will give us the perseverance and endurance to continue on, to run the race set before us and finish strong. I pray that for each of you also! God Bless!

Vaccine/Autism Link Coming to Light

2008-05-15T07:01:00.000-05:00

2008 has been an exciting year as I've watched more and more information come to light about the link between autism and vaccines. Since starting our journey with autism I have done extensive research in this area and have a strong belief that vaccines played a major role in the development of Seth's autism and many, many other children. The rise in the autism epidemic from a rare disorder affecting 1 in 10,000 20 years ago to a common disorder affecting at least 1 in 150 today directly coincides with the marked increase in the number of vaccines given to the children of our nation. Seth received 36 vaccines by the age of 15 months. I know as an 150+ pound adult I would not want to receive 36 vaccines in 15 months. I have little doubt that if I were to undertake such treatment my health would be adversely affected. Can you imagine what that many vaccines could do to a 8-20 pound baby whose immune system is not strong enough to deal with that many insults?

Earlier this year it came to light that the national vaccine injury court settled a case in which they conceded that a young girl from Georgia named Hannah Poling was harmed by receiving 9 vaccines on 1 day at the age of 18 months; harm which later resulted in an autism diagnosis. The media tried to portray this case as an atypical case of autism which was brought on by a mitochondrial disorder. But scientists are finding that perhaps as many as 50% of kiddos with autism have some type of mitochondrial disorder. Our son is one of those 50% who struggles with mitochondrial/cellular energy issues. Jon Poling, the father in this case is a Johns Hopkins trained neurologist who has spoken out to clarify misinformation that the government and media have shared. He shared his views on this issue in his letter to the New York Times editor http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/05/opinion/l05autism.html?_r=1&ex=1365134400&en=de5eb563f987fdb1&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&oref=slogin

Hannah Poling is not a unique individual in the autism community. Many children have mitochondrial susceptibilities that mean that the number and frequency of vaccines in our current schedule will case harm. There are almost 5000 other cases before the vaccine court claiming that vaccines caused autism. Just this week the court began another series of test cases. These cases claim several different causation routes related to autism, including harm caused by thimerosal (mercury based preservative) and live virus insult (from measles component of MMR).

Do I believe that vaccines are the only environemental trigger causing autism? No! I believe that there are many toxins in our environment, including mercury emissions from coal fired power plants (we lived less than a mile from such a plant while I was pregnant with Seth and during his first 9 months of live), pesticides in our food supply, preservatives in commonly eaten packaged foods, food dyes, fire retardants in mattresses and pajamas for children, and the list goes on and on. But I do believe that vaccines are the primary and most heinous culprit causing this epidemic. The other toxins I mentioned are around us, in our environment and our bodies are able to filter some of them out while vaccines are injected directly into our little one's bodies with little hope of the body being able to combat the toxins and immunological insult.

Just this week a very well-known, mainstream doctor spoke out on concerns she has about the safety of our vaccine schedule. Bernadine Healy, former director of the NIH, spoke with CBS news and shared her growing concern about the possible link between vaccines and autism. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/05/12/cbsnews_investigates/main4086809.shtml?source=search_story I applaud Dr. Healy for having the courage to speak truth when so many in the medical community are clinging to outdated, flawed studies that claim there is no link. We have yet to compare vaccinated vs. unvaccinated children to see what the difference in the rate of autism is - does this not seem like a very logical means of ruling out a link if there really is none? But the government has refused to do this study, perhaps because they already know what the results will be and don't want to be held responsible for the way in which they have damaged an entire generation of children in the name of "good medicine".

Other studies that mainstream docs cling to as proof that there is not a link are fatally flawed, if not purposefully altered to support the conclusion they want to believe. For more info on these studies and the major problems with them check out http://safeminds.org/research/commentary.html. There you will find links to numerous papers that speak to the issues with these studies. The Denmark study is my favorite, since the pediatric neurologist at the Mayo Clinic who diagnosed our son told us about this study when Seth was first diagnosed, claiming it was definitive proof that there is no link. Ha!! This study is a mess and provides me no assurance that there is no link between vaccines/thimerosal and autism. At a follow-up visit with the doc I gave him a paper written by Boyd Haley, a chemist from the University of Kentucky, that detailed the flaws in this study - I'm sure this paper hit the shredder before he ever read it, but I had to give it a try.

I am hopeful that truth will come to light on this issue and passionate about sharing this information with others. Some question why I spend my time "ranting" about vaccine safety since changes now won't help my son. This is not exactly the case. If the medical community will come to terms with the true causes of autism, they will then be able to help more families treat the real underlying issues that are contributing to autism. Perhaps then I could work with my local pediatrician rather than having to drive 3 hours to a find a doctor who will help me address the medical issues my son struggles with. And ultimately I do not wish this journey upon anyone else and will do anything I can to spare my family and friends the pain that we have had to deal with. I share my concerns especially loudly with friends and family who are pregnant or have a new baby, encouraging them to do some research and come up with their own vaccines schedule that does not include 36 vaccines in 15 months. If I've spared one family from the journey of autism (and I'm fairly certain I have), then all my "ranting" is worth it, even if some people in my life think I'm a bit fanatical.

Lovin' Life

2008-05-05T05:52:00.000-05:00

After returning home from my California getaway, I am so thankful for the time away. It was a wonderful time catching up with my friend and enjoying the weather and beauty of southern California. We had a wonderful time sharing about our lives as moms and wives; we visited the San Diego Wild Animal Park and enjoyed a beautiful day at the beach; we cooked good food and shopped at Whole Foods (a favorite store of mine); and we talked at length about healthful living, a passion we share. While I greatly enjoyed the trip, I also enjoyed coming home to see my family and friends. While in California my friend remarked that she was struck with what a full life I lead. I am indeed blessed. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children. I am involved in a growing body of believers who express genuine love for one another and others. I am honored to be able to use the gifts God has given me to serve this body in a variety of ways and to minister to residents at the Iowa Veteran's Home in my part-time job.

Yesterday morning as I sat in morning worship at our church and last night as I returned to church for a graduation celebration for the high school seniors, I was surprised to realize that I desire to remain in the community God has placed me in long-term. I hope to be able to sit with my kids at these celebrations as they graduate high school with a body of believers that have known my children since they were toddlers. I feel blessed to be doing life with a group of believers who seek to know God with all their hearts and desire to minister to those around them in need with God's love and compassion. I hope that my experience with this body of believers is the norm, but as I talk with family and friends around the country I fear this is more the exception than the rule.

For years I have desired to move to a larger city in a different area of the country. But I guess my trip to beautiful southern California and my joy in returning home made me realize that I do indeed have a full life, a life that I love, in the midst of all the challenges before me. My dad has always got on my case about wanting to move, saying that it's not where you live, but what you make of where you live that matters. On this point, I will have to admit that I'm realizing he was right, as he is on many things that I don't always like to agree with him on. So wherever God has placed you for this season in your life, however long that season may be, seek out other believers to do life with. Look for a body of believers that are genuine in their love for one another and purpose to do your part to show love to others. Invest your life in such a body and you will be blessed beyond measure. And with this love and support in your life you will be surprised at all that God is able to do through you!!

Getting Away

2008-04-29T06:12:00.000-05:00

The month of April is almost over and yet it doesn't feel much like spring here in the Midwest. As I write this it is 6:15 am and it's a chilly 32 degrees. I am so ready for some warmer weather. And I will get it later tomorrow as I travel to San Diego to visit an old college friend. I'm so looking forward to a time to get away and relax with a dear friend while enjoying the southern California sun and beauty. In the midst of our rush, rush culture I find scheduling in times to get away and relax a must. Sometimes all that has to happen to get to such a time is very overwhelming as you try to get things in place for your family to survive while you're gone and cover the your responsibilities; but I've found that this extra stress is worth it for the refreshment I receive when I get away.

Getting out of my day-to-day element often gives me much needed perspective on life. There's a whole big world out there with many amazing opportunities and many unique, talented and needy people. God created an amazing array of beauty in his creation that you can sometimes miss when you get so acclimated to your surroundings in the area that you live that you fail to appreciate the majesty of his creative hand. I love traveling because it reminds me of the awesome power of God in the beauty of his creation.

Getting away also helps me to remember that I'm more than an autism mom. I'm a beloved daughter of the God of all creation; I'm a valued friend who is joyously expected; I'm a discoverer at heart who loves to explore new places and learn new things. Getting out of my daily rut helps me remember all that God has placed in my heart and mind and all the possibilities that are available to me. I'm so excited to have this short respite to rejuvenate and renew.

I encourage you all to seek out your own little respites, even if it's just taking a walk around a park or lake in your area, sitting out on your deck and enjoying the hopefully warmer weather, or turning on your favorite music and singing at the top of your lungs. And by all means if you can manage a trip to a favorite destination to visit a dear friend - make the time, I fully expect it will be worth my time and effort to get there.

2008-04-18T05:30:00.001-05:00

It's been a busy couple of weeks full of a dizzying array of activities and troubling revelations. We started our local area autism support group this past weekend with a small but passionate group of parents. We are confident our numbers will grow as word spreads and families become more aware of the support we hope to offer.

One of the passionate parents that did attend is mom to one of the students in the school system that I spoke of in my previous post. I've been talking with this mom a bit and it has been revealed to her that her son was harmed by a para educator in his classroom at school. That in and of itself is bad enough, but the even more disconcerting part of the story is that the school district has tried to cover this up. Had another para that witnessed the altercation not written this family an anonymous letter, this might never have come to light. Fortunately that para had the courage to write this letter and others have had the courage to contact local and state news organizations. So the story is getting coming to light and the school district is feeling the pressure to come clean. What exactly the district will do is yet to be seen. Unfortunately we are not hopeful that they will be completely forthright. Our suspicion is that they will do all they can to cover their proverbial back end.

In the age we live in, in which all school and therapy staff are required to go through mandatory reporter training this situation is particularly troubling to me. Is this training only to turn parents in when there are questions about abuse? Does this not protect our children in whatever setting they are in? This situation has only added fuel to the fire for me in my feelings toward our local school district and has completely confirmed my decision to homeschool my son with autism.

Aside from autism issues, which seem to consume our lives at times, we have been busy with kiddos, work and ministry. Kiddo 1 & Kiddo 2 are having a great year at school, although Kiddo 2 is getting a bit of spring fever. He's excited that baseball will begin soon. My part-time job as a musician at the Iowa Veteran's Home is a nice outlet for me to bless others with the gift of music that God has given me. Hubby's job has been pretty calm lately, with no travel since January - yippee! Hubby & I head up our worship ministry at our church. We have been excited to have a good number of new musicians join our body of believers lately. We are looking forward to incorporating them into our worship teams and getting to know each of them better.

Educational Overhaul Needed

2008-04-08T10:40:00.000-05:00

It was a troubling weekend for me. When I started this blog last week I'd hoped to keep it balanced and not completely go toward writing only about autism. But with the information I have learned over this past weekend, I feel compelled to write about troubling things that are taking place in my local public schools. The state of the public education system in the US is in dire need of a complete overhaul. In general it seems that most schools are trying to continue with the teaching strategies and classroom structure of the 1960's and 70's. This antiquated approach is not effective in teaching this generation of children. There are still many wonderful teachers working in broken systems who are trying to make a positive difference in people's lives and there are a few schools I hear of (one that our older children attend) that are doing a great job of providing a good education in a safe and caring environment; but there is a great need for a complete reworking of the way we teach our children.

I am hearing stories in my own community about very troubling things going on in the school systems, especially with special needs students. I have several friends who are special ed teachers and aides who are completely outraged with the way in which special education is being run in our community. Teachers and aides are not receiving adequate training to provide for the very specific, very challenging needs of the children in their care. I realize that the system is overrun in general with the rising population of children with special needs, but we must adjust and do our very best to meet the needs of these most vulnerable members of our society. Instead I hear stories of students being left in "safety rooms" (basically a closet) for hours on end because teachers are not equipped and are not being supported by school psychologists to develop behavior plans to circumvent the trouble behaviors children are engaging in. I hear other stories of students being harmed by their aides because the aide does not have adequate training and a good understanding of the unique challenges of this student. I hear stories of special needs students being in the care of an aide for the first 6 months of school without a supervising, certified special ed teacher in their room at all. These situations should not be taking place.

In the area of autism education, our local school district is stuck in the dark ages and is completely discounting new therapies that are being used across our nation to effectively treat autism. A school psychologist in our district recently told a parent of a newly diagnosed child that ABA therapy is Nazi therapy. ABA therapy, the widely accepted therapy, known to be very effective in helping children with autism learn and overcome many of their challenges. The therapy which has been widely researched and which is commonly utilized by school districts all over our country. The following website will take you to a 29-page list of studies proving that ABA is effective. http://rsaffran.tripod.com/IBIrefs.html ABA has generally become accepted as the most common best practice treatment for autism. Our son was diagnosed at the Mayo Clinic and their primary recommendation for treatment was to pursue ABA and yet our local educators who are instructing parents in the best treatments for autism completely discount this therapy. This is educational malpractice!

And don't even get me started on our school districts views on biomedical treatments. The autism resource specialist in our district strongly discouraged me from trying the gfcf (gluten-free, casein-free) diet with our son, claiming that it was expensive, non-nutritious and ineffective. I'm so glad I didn't listen to her. My son would still not be sleeping through the night and his gut would be absolutely destroyed. Occasional infractions on the diet send him into a crazed mania, often make him throw up, and greatly disrupt his sleep. On the diet he is calmer, sleeps through the night consistently and is generally a happy boy (before the diet he had 3 states-sleeping, eating or screaming). I'm sure she continues to give the same advice to new parents in our district, who trust that she is the expert and discount biomedical treatments in general; treatments that could significantly help their children with autism.

I praise the Lord that there are other options available to us. We currently homeschool our son with autism and receive ABA therapy from a state agency that serves individuals with autism. Our son has 4 wonderful, caring, intelligent therapists who work with him in our home, effectively teaching him new skills on a daily basis through the use of ABA. They are so far from gestapo therapists. I work on academic skills of reading and math with Seth, which he excels in. And he receives speech and occupation therapy from caring, committed private therapists. I shiver to think what kind of shape he would be in if he were in our local public school system, devoid of the effective teaching strategies of ABA; bombarded by sensory input in classrooms with predominantly florescent lighting; and most likely eating food off his diet as the staff would discount the effective of his diet because of training from their autism resource specialist.

My husband and feel compelled to speak out on these issues and provide parents in our community updated information about autism treatments. We are excited to be starting an autism support group and hope that group will be a change agent for the inadequate special ed programs available in our public school system. But change is difficult, people like to do what they have always done, even if what they have always done does little to help children with autism. I question whether I have the resolve to be a crusader in this area, yet it would feel wrong to sit back and do nothing. Please pray with us about what our involvement should be and pray for change that will benefit the many children in our school system with special needs.

Joining the Blogging World

2008-04-04T10:15:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking of starting a blog for awhile and here it is. My purpose in starting this blog is share the ramlbings of my heart and also to give regular updates on our family and specifically on Seth's progress as he fights to overcome autism. I chose the name of my blog to reflect my ongoing passion to seek out truth in many areas of my life. I've been challenged lately through a Bible study I just completed, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore, to examine the wallpaper of my mind and heart and seek to rewallpaper with the truth of God's Word. This is not a new concept for me, but one that I know I'll be pressing on to accomplish for the rest of my life.

I am on a mission to be grounded in the truth of God's word. I am seeking to understand the circumstances of my life and light of this Truth. In the midst of life's challenges I must hold to the truth of God's love for me and my family. I am on a mission to sow truth into my children's lives by living out my faith very openly and honestly before them. I am on a mission to seek truth in my ministry commitments as my husband and I lead the worship ministry at our church, and as I reach out to other moms in our community through a general moms group and an autism support group.

I am on a mission to bring truth to light about autism and it's causes and effective treatments. God has also given my many opportunities in the past 6+ months to speak out on the issues of autism. Just in the past couple weeks I've had 2 letters "pulished" in local media outlets that speak to my concerns about vaccines and their role in the rise of autism. You will find these letters posted here on my blog. I am a "Mama on a mission for truth" in this specific area with a deep passion to see truth come to light. My heart is to protect children from the debilitating disease of autism and to find effective treatments for the children who are already suffering autism's devastating affects.

April is Autism Awareness Month. Many media outlets are talking about autism. On Wednesday, April 2nd CNN observed World Autism Day by airing segements about autism throughout the day. One of the best programs I saw was Larry King Live. Larry had Jenny McCarthy on, an actress and autism mom, along with David Kirby, author of "Evidence of Harm" and much-loved journalist in the autism community, along with several pediatricians with varying views on the autism-vaccine link. I would encourage you all to log on to cnn.com and view this program while it is still available. A great activity to commit to for the month of April for those of you who are Christians is the Turning the Tide Prayer Thrust put out by Children of Destiny ministries http://childrenofdestiny.org/pdf/Turning_the_Tide_2008.pdf. I believe that our God is a God of justice who desires to protect his children and will respond to our prayers. Please join my family as we pray through this autism awareness month together.

I welcome you to my blog and hope you will be blessed by the ramblings of my heart as I share them here in the weeks and months to come. We thank you from the bottom of hearts for your prayers for Seth and our family and hope this will be a tool to help keep you informed.